


What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve?

by HeartEyesTurner



Category: Arctic Monkeys
Genre: Christmas, F/M, New Year's Eve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 23,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23931580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartEyesTurner/pseuds/HeartEyesTurner
Summary: A series of yearly missed connections that happen at the same Christmas party over the course of a decade
Relationships: Alex Turner (Musician)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. 2007

**Author's Note:**

> I’m insane, I know… but I have another Christmas story for you. This one takes place over an entire decade; each chapter for a different year starting with 2007. The premise is that Alex and a girl attend the same Christmas party every year, and we get to watch how their budding romance unfolds when it’s removed from the backdrop of his career and the various changes in their lives. It’s basically looking through the window at this one isolated event and how two people can change over the course of a decade. 
> 
> Christmas makes me sappy and emotional so… I like to torture myself. I promise it isn’t a Hallmark special. Honestly. Besides, I’ve always wanted to try and write Alex through all the eras of his life and this seemed like a good opportunity. It’s not going to be completely fluff… as Alex gets older… he gets… well. You know.😉
> 
> Lauren xx

**// December 2007 //**

“Who’s she?” Alex gestured, nodding towards a girl he’d never seen before. 

She had short, shoulder-length hair, kind of choppy and messy; but styled that way. She was nursing a beer, the same one for the last hour it seemed because Alex hadn’t seen her move very much at all. She looked terribly out of place. 

“Not got a clue.” Matt replied, paper crown on his head and a beer in each hand. “No wait… she’s a friend of… or wait… the cousin of… _someone_. Can’t remember just now.”

“Hmm.” Alex assessed her from afar, watching the way she smiled when the person she was standing beside told her what he assumed was something funny. She had a pretty smile, this much Alex knew, even though he was a few beers in.

“… she’s American. I know that much.” Matt was still rambling on about the girl. “Why? Yeh fancy her? She’s… cute. I’d probably-”

“Don’t.” Alex laughed, nudging him. “Don’t make it like that.”

“Wot?” Matt exclaimed, “I was just gon’ teh say that I’d go _chat her up_ if I were you. She looks shy enough. Not even you could screw it up too much.”

Alex rolled his eyes, throwing back his head to finish the rest of his beer. “Thanks for the encouragement.”

“My fuckin’ pleasure.” 

“Eh…” Alex grumbled, realizing he _did_ need another beer, and maybe… he could pass by her on his way… offer to grab her another one…

Alex pulled at the neck of his long-sleeve knit, wondering why he decided to wear something this warm in a crowded house full of sweaty, drunk people. He was boiling hot, and he knew his cheeks were ruddy from the beers as well. He saw that she was left by herself, and he made a beeline over… as cool as he could muster. 

When he got to her, the person returned and Alex hung a quick left to narrowly avoid an embarrassing and awkward conversation. Rolling his eyes at his own stupid self, he grabbed another two beers and decided now was as good a time as ever to wait in line for the loo. It stretched down the entire length of the hallway so he had a while to wait.

He’d not been there but a minute when she showed up behind him; the cute girl with the choppy hair. She was wearing a cute little dress and a pair of antlers on her head. It made Alex smile. He nodded his head at her quickly, staring down at his trainers. He felt underdressed, even though it was a house party, he wished now, standing next to her that he’d at least put _some_ effort in.

“Have you been waiting here long?” She asked him, her voice soft, shy. Either she was trying to flirt with him in her own way, or she was just making awkward conversation to pass the time.

“Erm… not too long… a minute or so.” He glanced up towards the front, seeing another person leave the room and three girls go in together. “Well… looks like it’s movin’ fast, eh?”

She nodded, seeming relieved. “Good.”

Alex laughed a little at that. “Too many ales, then?”

The girl’s cheeks flushed a rosy red, and she ducked her head in embarrassment. “No… actually. Not at all. Just one. I’m… trying to escape that guy that was talking to me.” She gestured over her shoulder at the spot where she’d been standing and the guy that she’d left behind.

“That big ugly bloke over there?” Alex made a face in his direction and she laughed, her giggle making him smile. 

“ _Yes._ ” She sighed, exasperated. “He won’t leave me alone, even though I _tried_ to explain that I wasn’t interested.”

“Well then…” Alex noticed she was empty-handed now and handed her his second bottle. “Take this. Yeh can join the other lads and I after weh get through this line if yeh’d like.”

She smiled and nodded her head. “Thank you. That would be… awesome, actually. I’m Emma, by the way.”

“Emma.” Alex repeated and shook the hand she offered to him. “I’m Alex. Nice to meet yeh. Cheers, love.” He clinked his bottle against hers and they both took a swig.

Emma’s heart was pounding against her ribs; both excited and nervous to have found someone to talk to. He was a cute British boy with messy brown hair, closely-cropped to his head. He looked like all the other 21-year-old boys she knew back home… but they didn’t have the accent. He was a slender little thing, with big doe-eyes and a warm smile.

When they’d made it through the line for the toilet, Alex waited for her, and escorted her over to his little gang. He went around and introduced all the lads and some of their girlfriends. “This is Emma. Weh need to protect her. That ugly prat over there keeps botherin’ her.“

Emma giggled, “It’s not _that_ bad… but… I… you’re right he’s an idiot. Help me.”

The rest of them laughed and welcomed her, chatting like they’d been friends for ages. Emma felt for the first time since she’d arrived, like she belonged. All of them were so sweet and nice, but Alex…

She wouldn’t admit to herself what she felt because… it was silly. She’d only just met him… but… she might’ve been developing a bit of a crush on Alex Turner.

// 

By the end of the night, or well… early morning… most people weren’t in good enough shape to be driving. Alex was drunk. _Very_ drunk. And silly. Emma hadn’t had nearly as much as him, maybe three tops… but he’d been drinking like a fish all night.

Nick and Jamie were supporting him, helping him make his way out into the chilly December night. Matt and Emma followed along behind, Alex’s coat swung over Matt’s shoulder.

“Is he… is he gonna be alright?” Emma asked him, worried that her new friend was going to most likely have a very rough hangover.

“Oh yeah…” Matt nodded, “He’ll be fine. Does this a lot actually. No doubt he’ll probably get sick on the walk home… probably on the same lawn he always gets sick on.”

Emma nodded, watching as he stumbled down the steps, despite being practically carried by the other boys. “Wait!” She could hear him shout, his accent thick and not very easy to understand.

“Emma…” Jamie called to her. “Alex wants to say goodbye.”

Her eyes widened and she scurried down the steps, coming face-to-face with the drunk boy in the torn purple paper crown and Christmas beads hung around his neck. “Hey Alex.” She smiled, seeing him struggle to make a sentence. 

“I just… just wanted teh sayyy…” His words were slurred and dragged out and she giggled at him. “Sayyy t-that… it were _lovely_! Lovely!”

“What?” She laughed and the others laughed with her.

“You!” He shouted, “Lovely to meet y-you!” 

“Oh…” She smiled and fixed his crown, patting his head. “Likewise. Why don’t you go home and get some sleep?”

“Yes!” He exclaimed, throwing one arm up into the air, pointing towards the sky. “I shall do just that!”

“Alreyt…” Nick chuckled, and nodded his head at her. “Goodnight… it was very nice to meet you… Sorry about this idiot.”

She shook her head, waving goodbye to the boys. As they headed down the street, she heard Matt shout. “Penny’s gon’ teh beh fuckin’ miffed _.”_


	2. 2008

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex comes to Emma’s rescue at the Christmas party in December of 2008. Featuring Alex with his soft, fluffy hair. 
> 
> Lauren xx

Alex walked into the party, arm around her waist, smiling and nodding at the faces he recognized… even the ones he didn’t. Everyone was a bit more friendly to him this year; the band’s notoriety having turned all of them into sort of small-town heroes. As busy as he’d been, he’d made sure to visit his folks for the holidays… back home in Sheffield. 

And here he was, back at the same Christmas party.

“I’m going to get something to drink Alex…” She smiled and headed for the kitchen.

And then he was left alone… the other lads having not yet arrived. 

“Look who it is.” 

Alex turned, startled by the familiar voice. 

_Emma_.

“‘ey!” He exclaimed, surprising himself when he leaned in for a hug. The last time he’d seen her was a year ago; when he was being escorted from the party by his mates. Emma squeezed him tight, beyond happy that he was here again. She’d not had any way to contact him after last year’s party, and when she found out who he was… she figured it was dumb to even try anyways. The odds that he’d remember her were pretty slim. 

Yet here they were.

“I never got to ask you… but I assume you got home alright last year?” She bit her lip, trying to hide her smile. The memory of a very drunk Alex was still fresh in her mind.

“Oh…” He chuckled, his cheeks flushing a bit. It was funny, he was a year older, but he seemed a little more introverted than he had the year before. “I did. Yes. I was erm… very ill.”

“All over the neighbor’s lawn?”

Alex’s eyes widened, “‘ow did yeh know…?”  
Emma giggled, “Matt said you probably would.”

“Maffew…” Alex muttered, glancing around for his burlier, trouble-making counterpart. But alas, his mates _still_ weren’t there yet.

“Alex…?” A pretty young woman suddenly popped up at his side, drinks in either hand. “Who’s this?” She asked, handing him a glass. Her cool grey eyes sized Emma up, assessing whether or not she was a threat. 

“This is Emma… met ‘er last year.” Alex explained, his smile much bigger than his girlfriend probably wanted to see. But he couldn’t help it… he was genuinely happy to see her again.

When introductions had been made, Emma stood there awkwardly, not feeling quite as comfortable as she had been when it was just her and Alex. Perhaps it was the icy cold shoulder she was getting from his girlfriend… which could’ve just all been in her head… but either way… she wasn’t into it.

“I’m gonna… just… grab another drink.” Emma murmured, trying to disguise the fact that her glass was nearly full but Alex had spotted it. He glanced at her drink and up to her eyes, silently begging her not to go.

She smiled, tight-lipped and escaped into the kitchen. It was easier this time around; she knew people better, and she’d lived there a year now so she didn’t feel like an outcast. What she _did_ feel was stupid. Stupid that she thought she’d actually have a chance with Alex. That they’d both just show up this time and everything would be the same as last year… but it wasn’t. And to top it off; he had a girlfriend this year. And she was _pretty_ and she probably most likely couldn’t compete with her.

She watched them through the kitchen doorway, the way her arm was wound around his, and rolled her eyes, gulping down her drink. When she finished, she made herself another, and so on and so on…

//

Even though Alex was by his girlfriend’s side the entire night, he hadn’t taken his eyes off of Emma for a moment. He’d thought about her a lot since last year… more times that he cared to mention. It was a funny thing, a chance encounter…he didn’t think he’d see her again. He’d _hoped_ but… what was he to do about it now? As it was he didn’t even live back home anymore, so he was never around; but he’d _like_ to get to know her. He remembered laughing with her an awful lot last time. But he was with his girlfriend now and he loved her very much.

He found himself wandering the party later, on his own while his girlfriend was chatting with friends. He hadn’t seen Emma in awhile and… he wondered if she’d left. There was another line for the bathroom, but this time, the people in it were very irritable. Apparently they’d been waiting an awful long time to get in. In his gut, he had an inkling who was behind that door. 

“Pretteh girl in there… short like… shoulder-length hair? Wearin’ erm… a dress?” A few of them nodded at Alex’s awful description of Emma. But it was enough, so he knocked gently on the door, pressing his ear against it. “Emma? Is that you in there?”

There was a long pause before he heard her croak, “Alex?”

“Yeah love, it’s meh. Are y’alreyt? Let meh in.” He could hear her groan and he tried the handle. “Emma… it’s just meh… no one else.”

A second later, he heard the lock click and he tried the handle again. 

“‘ey!” Someone shouted when he went to slip inside.

“Look… she’s feelin’ ill… give ‘er a break. There’s a bathroom in the main bedroom… use it.” Alex snapped at them before shutting the door behind him. When he turned around, his heart ached at the sight of Emma all curled up on the floor. “Fuck.” He murmured, wondering why he decided to be so heroic. 

“Alex.” She whispered, her mascara running down her cheeks. “I… don’t look at me.”

Alex chuckled, and crouched down next to her. “I’m sorreh… I ‘ave teh. Just checkin’ teh see if yeh’re alreyt.”

“I’m not.” She responded, sighing heavily and attempting to wipe the mascara she could feel running down her cheeks.

“Well… when’s the last time… yeh booted in there?” He asked her, checking for signs of… debris. 

“Awhile ago… I just… I can’t get up and go out there.”

She was coherent and she could speak full sentences, which was more than he could say for himself when he got completely pissed. “Hmm… well… how about if I ‘elp yeh? Get yeh cleaned up?”

“Okay…” She whispered, completely embarrassed that Alex had been the one to find her.

Alex got up and searched the little cabinet for a washcloth to wipe her face with. He also found a brush for her hair. He’d never taken care of a girl when they’d been sick before… the guys had all had their fair share of drunken debauchery but they really didn’t behave like this. 

He wet the towel and rung it out before crouching beside her again. “‘ere, I’m gonna just… wipe yehr face… is that alreyt?”

She looked up at him with her pretty hazel eyes and nodded solemnly. He smiled and held her chin, gently wiping her cheeks and around her eyes. He cleaned around her hair line, and the ends of her hair that might’ve had some sick stuck in it, and then across her mouth with the other corner. He felt bad he’d taken all her makeup off but… she looked a thousand times better.

“How’s that? Feel better?” He asked her, his eyes wide and hopeful.

“Yes. Much.”

“Can yeh stand up?” He offered her his arm, and slowly stood with her, helping her smooth out her dress. “C’mon… come over to the sink… weh can comb yehr hair and I think maybeh find some mouth wash in the medicine cabinet.”

Emma took one look at herself in the mirror and gasped. “Oh God… I look awful.”

Alex frowned, “Wot? No yeh don’t.”

“Yes. I do. I’m an idiot.” She grumbled something else to herself, something Alex couldn’t quite hear, but he nudged her.

“ey… if it’s about the makeup… for what it’s worth… I think yeh look much prettier without it. Not that… not that yeh looked bad before or anythin’ but… just… I can see yehr freckles now.” He grinned at her and she laughed. “And yehr eyes. They’re a really pretty greenish color.”

“Hazel.” She replied, her cheeks turning the faintest shade of pink.

“Reyt. Hazel. Good color. I like it.” They stared into each other’s eyes a little bit _too_ long, the both of them swaying towards each other before Alex remembered where he was and what he was doing. “Erm… mouthwash!” He exclaimed and wretched open the cabinet, rifling through.

Emma kept swaying, her eyes dreamy and hazy admiring Alex. He was so soft looking, his fluffy brown curls framing his beautiful face. She found herself wanting to reach out and touch them, and she would’ve had he not retrieved the mouthwash and thrust it in her direction. 

He watched and waited while she swished it around and spit into the sink. He handed her the brush and she fixed her hair, fluffing it a little so she didn’t look like a drowned sewer rat. Which was precisely how she felt.

“Readeh to ‘ead out there?” Alex asked her softly, after he stopped staring at her in the mirror. He needed to not think about her this way. Not now. Not in such close proximity. 

“Yes. You go first.”

He laughed, “Alreyt. Just… follow me lead.”

She nodded and he cracked the door open, the line having shortened down to only a few partygoers who looked to be new to the queue, so he felt confident swinging the door back to waltz out. Emma was hot on his heels as they made their way down the hallway back to the party. He wasn’t quite sure how long they’d been gone for, but the mood seemed to have shifted. He didn’t see anyone he knew as they walked through the living room and into the kitchen.

“Water. Yeh need water.” He smiled at her, and opened the fridge looking for a bottle. He grabbed two and opened it for her before handing it over. “Drink some of that and weh’ll go outside and get some fresh air, yeah?”

Emma nodded and they crept out the side door to a little patio. It was no bigger than a few tiles and some dead shrubs the winter had claimed for it’s own. They both shivered and laughed as the cold air hit their lungs and stung their cheeks. 

“Fuck meh it’s cold.” Alex laughed, puffs of air leaving his mouth with each breath. He searched his pockets for his cigarettes and lighter while Emma shook and bounced from foot to foot. She drank her water dutifully, feeling much better now in the fresh air.

Alex raised his eyebrows at her as he took a deep drag and exhaled. Emma smiled at him in his thin cigarette-style trousers and his button down shirt. Everything looked too big on him, like he was still growing into his body despite the fact that he was twenty-two now, and no longer a boy. Her heart raced, getting to spend so much time with the boy she’d crushed on for an entire year. 

Crush. He was a silly crush and she knew it was dumb… but maybe… he could just be her Christmas boyfriend. The sweet guy she got to see just once a year who was always very nice to her. It could be their little thing, even though he could never know she thought of him that way. 

There was a bang on the glass and there was Jamie Cook, with his girlfriend and Alex’s right behind her. The three of them came out onto the patio into the blistering cold, teeth chattering as they interrupted Alex and Emma’s quiet little moment.

It was fine now… everyone was nice and silly and bubbly, and even though Emma and Alex were no longer alone… she was okay with it. She wasn’t a home-wrecker. It just wasn’t meant to be.

//

Emma was grabbing her coat when Alex popped into the bedroom. 

“‘ey… I… erm… just wanted teh say goodbye. Weh’re… leavin’.” He smiled, thumbing his hand in the direction of the door. 

“Yeah… me too.” She smiled, shrugging her coat on.

“Are yeh feelin’ alreyt now?” He asked her warily, collecting their coats.

She nodded, “I am. Thank you for… tonight. Thanks for helping me.”

Alex’s smile stretched from ear to ear, “Anytime, love.” He wanted to hug her, and before he changed his mind, he did it. One last time. 

Emma closed her eyes, breathing him in, swaying in place again as she squeezed him back. She giggled when he let her go and he pointed at her.

“Ah! There it is; that smile!” He headed for the door, turning back just before he crossed the threshold. “I’ll see yeh next year, yeah?”

She nodded brightly, “Yes. I think so.”

“Alreyt. Good. Merry Christmas, Emma.” He grinned, nodding his head and tapping his hand on the door frame.

“Merry Christmas, Alex.”


	3. 2009

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Emma and and a fluffy, long-haired Humbug-era Alex find themselves under the mistletoe at the Christmas party this year…

The following year, Emma and Alex arrived at the same time. 

Both of them with dates. 

The four of them met on the sidewalk leading up to the house, like a showdown. Alex brushed his hair back out of is eyes and nodded at Emma, a playful little smirk at the corner of his lips. Emma beamed in response, introducing her date with so much confidence she nearly patted herself on the back when she walked up the sidewalk in front of Alex and his girlfriend with the cool-grey eyes. 

Her date, a guy she’d been seeing for a little while, was sweet, and attentive, and pretty attractive… and she smiled up at him briefly before casting her eyes over her shoulder to Alex. He was peering back at her through his long, wavy hair, his doe-eyes wide and soft. Her stomach flipped despite the pep talk she’d given herself the entire week leading up to tonight. 

_You have a_ date _. He’s a silly crush. Knock it off._

She squeezed her guy’s arm as they headed to the back room to deposit their coats, thinking about how the last time she’d been in this room, she’d been wishing Alex a Merry Christmas. That year had been sad, and lonely, and… he had made it so much better for her.

“Hey… um… I’m just going to use the loo for one sec, alright?” She asked her date once she’d rested her coat on the stacks of others. 

“Sure. I’ll wait for you.”

 _Oh._

“Okay… I’ll only be a second.” She assured him, hoping she could just be completely and totally alone for a minute. She slipped into the master bathroom, the one that was generally off limits, but she was respectful and would leave it exactly the same way she’d found it. Besides, she didn’t have to go anyways. She just needed to escape for once second, collect her thoughts.

She stared at herself in the mirror, wrapping her hair around her hand and laying the soft curls over her shoulder. “You can do this.” She whispered to herself, trying very hard _not_ to think about how gorgeous Alex looked. Especially with that seventies rock ’n roll stoner vibe he had going on. She had a certain weakness for that look. He was one of the few that could pull it off. 

She rinsed her hands in cool water and patted the back of her neck. That’s when she heard it; the distinct drawl of Alex’s accent. And the voice of her date. They were talking. 

She squinted her eyes and listened for a second; Alex sounded aloof and friendly and… very Alex. Taking a deep breath Emma opened the door quietly, standing in the doorway watching them. Alex looked like a midget next to her date. He was almost a head and a half shorter and quite small compared to him. Her guy was tall, dark, and handsome. Rugged even. And Alex, well… Alex was gorgeous.

She sighed and plastered a wide smile on her face, walking out to greet them. 

“There she is.” He smiled down at Emma and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 

Emma smiled contently, nestling into him. “I’m here. What’re you guys talking about?”

“Sheffield Wednesday.” Alex answered cooly, seemingly undeterred by the way Emma was wrapped around him. 

“He’s a fan, too.” Her date replied, grinning like an idiot. 

_Of course he’s a fan. This is his hometown._

That was the only downside to tonight; he was handsome and tall and sweet, but not very… bright.

Alex smirked like he knew what she was thinking and Emma just smiled happily, undeterred, announcing that she was thirsty so she could get herself out of this awkward triangle.

//

Alex sipped his drink in the open doorway, tucked against the jamb. He leaned his head back, lost in thought, not even really concerned with why he was left alone again. He actually preferred it that way. Jamie was the only one who’d made it to the party that night out of the boys, and he was off somewhere chatting with old friends, and his girlfriend was mingling and being the social butterfly that she _always_ was. 

It wasn’t Alex’s scene.

“Hey… what’s with the long face?” 

Alex smiled instantly, nodding his head when he heard Emma’s voice behind him. “Seriously…” She crossed into the open doorway and leaned against the frame opposite from him. “… the _Backstreet Boys_ are playing.” She teased, “Their beautiful harmonies on this original Christmas tune should be like… melting your fucking ice cold heart right now.”

“Shut it.” Alex murmured chuckling softly, brushing his hair back again.

Emma grinned, happy and confident and fueled by liquid courage. “How are you? Other than ya know… anti-social and mopey in the corner over here.”

“I promise yeh… it’s a parteh on the inside.”

Emma made a face, and then the two of them burst into laughter; Alex’s smile big and infectious. “There it is…” 

He rolled his eyes and took a sip of his drink.

“It’s good to see you.”

Alex’s eyes drifted over her, perhaps not as subtly as he would’ve liked… but he’d been watching her all night, hoping for a moment alone like this one. She looked… taller… maybe. Perhaps it was the way her body had taken on a more feminine shape… he wasn’t sure. He just knew that he liked the way her legs looked in those opaque black tights… liked the way they disappeared up underneath that adorable maroon dress… 

“Alex.” Emma laughed and it sounded like tinkling bells. He’d been drinking, sure… but for some reason, _tonight_ he was feeling… well, he didn’t actually _know_ what he was feeling… But it wasn’t platonic. 

“Erm… yes, love?” He looked up at her through his long, dark hair, his big brown eyes glossy and wide. 

“You alright?” She asked him softly, stepping forward a bit. It was dumb, that she knew… but the way he was looking at her… it was the look she’d been hoping for all year long.

Alex looked down when her fingers that grasped her glass full of that festive-looking red punch, brushed against the soft white material of his henley. He swallowed hard, unsure of what was about to happen. 

“What about yehr erm…?”

“What about yours?” Emma countered, eyebrow raised. 

Alex was taken aback by her boldness. Where had this version of Emma come from? The last two years she’d been… timid like a church mouse, and now… it was like their roles had reversed. 

“She’s… doing what she does best.”

“Mine’s an idiot, so.”

Alex laughed softly at that. “He is quite dim, isn’t he?”

Emma nodded, “ _Yes._ And it’s _very_ painful.”

Alex cleared his throat, “So…”

“So _…_ ” Emma whispered, making the eyes at him. She stepped a bit closer, the space between them now nearly nonexistent. “You do realize what we’re standing beneath, don’t you?”

Alex cast his eyes upward; mistletoe. He didn’t know what else he expected to see up there honestly… he should’ve known. It was so like him to have chosen this spot to idle in all night.

“There are… certain… _rules_ that come with that particular Christmas decoration, aren’t there?”

Emma’s free hand fingered the edge of his denim jacket, her eyes studying him… admiring him… drinking him in. “There are… and they’re to be _strictly_ reinforced in respect to the holiday tradition.”

Alex smirked, licking his lips. This was _dumb_. He was _being dumb_. Their significant others could walk in on them at anytime… not to mention the other partygoers passing back and forth around them. But if he was being honest with himself… he’d been thinking about kissing Emma since the minute he saw her. The way she’d nursed that beer, so timid and shy…

“Alex…” Emma interrupted his thoughts again, her voice soft and sweet.

He looked at her lips; she’d just licked them. They were wet and shiny and glossy and… his mouth fell open, tilting his head as he leaned into her. 

“Mmm…” She moaned quietly, in anticipation of _finally_ feeling Alex’s mouth pressed against hers; _finally_ getting to taste him like she’d dreamt all year. 

For a moment, it was like nothing else in the room existed, and Alex’s eyelids were fluttering as he got closer and closer and…

“YO!” A loud voice boomed throughout the house; the soft Christmas music cut off and replaced by an echoing voice of some idiot on a microphone. 

Karaoke. They were doing karaoke.

It was then that the opening notes of _Christmas In Hollis_ by RUN-D.M.C. began to pulse through the house, rattling practically every bit and bauble, every tinsel and foil decoration strung about. 

“Ugh…” Alex groaned, his shoulders sagging in defeat.

Emma sighed stepping back. “Well, if that wasn’t a sign…”

Alex didn’t say anything, he just brushed that beautiful hair back from his eyes again. “I should probably, erm…”

“Yeah… um… me too.” 

Both of them lingered a second longer before Emma stood there alone again, watching Alex disappear into the crowd of people gathering in the other room. She retreated around the corner, pressed her forehead into the wall and covered her mouth to scream into her hand. “Mother _fucker_.” She muttered, banging her head against the wall a few times and then slumping against it hoping no one discovered her and she was left there all night to rot. 

“Em…?” 

Emma’s eyes shot open and she turned her face towards the voice, her forehead still planted firmly against the wall. 

It was her date. The handsome idiot who was an incredibly good kisser and also fantastic in-between the sheets.

S;phe didn’t even have to ask… his face said it all.

“I don’t know exactly-” He began, his face looking drawn and still wildly attractive despite the way the corners of his mouth turned down.

“Let me explain, I-”

He shook his head, “No. Don’t. I’m just… I’m gonna go…”

“NOTHING HAPPENED!” Emma suddenly shouted, and he just frowned at her lingering before disappearing around the door.

“But it would’ve.” He said simply and then… she was alone.

_Again._

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!” Emma shouted, throwing her arms up in the air. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Just… _fuck_.” She grumbled all the way down the hallway to the bedroom with the coats.

That was it. She was done this year. No more. 

She threw open the door exposing a couple making out and her eyes widened. “Oh, come-the-fuck-on.” 

The couple looked at her, bewildered and skirted around her and out the door. 

“Honestly.” She threw her hands up in frustration again, eyes towards the heavens. “Really? You couldn’t just… couldn’t just give me a break?”

She growled angrily to herself, digging through the massive pile of coats, throwing them everywhere until she recognized her marled black and grey trench. She hurried down the hall, clutch between her teeth, shoving her arms roughly into the sleeves, avoiding bodies to her left and right. She looked nuts. She knew she did, but she was done. _So done_.

//

Alex nodded his head to the music, the next person to sing even worse than the last. It was mindless entertainment at least, and it kept him distracted. That was until he saw a blur of tawny brown hair and a trench coat whipping around the corner and towards the front door.

_Emma._

He couldn’t help himself. He had to.

His girlfriend gave him an inquisitive look and thinking fast, he tapped his back pocket where his cigarettes were stashed and she nodded once with a smile as he pushed through the partygoers.

The air stung his lungs and bit his cheeks when the wind threw the door open out of his hands and knocked it against the wall beside him. He checked around and saw the huge dent the lock made in the wall, his eyes widening as he rushed out, pulling it shut tight behind him.

“Damaged the fuckin’ wall. Perfect. I’m ruining everything tonight.” He grumbled, casting his eyes across the lawn and squinting into the darkness at Emma’s silhouette retreating past all the parked cars lining the street.

He didn’t know what came over him, but he took off after her, dodging the cars nimbly, his agility and speed coming in handy in this particular moment. It was difficult though; she’d had a head start and she was _fast_. When he got close enough, he shouted to her.

Emma stopped dead in her tracks. “Oh no… no. No no no no…” Her head fell back and she looked up into the cold, dark blue sky. “Why? Why do you have it out for me?” She asked and heard Alex chuckle behind her.

“Who are y’even talkin’ to?” He drawled, coming to a stop a few feet away.

Emma slowly turned to look at him, and she wagged her finger as she advanced a few steps in his direction. “No. Don’t. Just… don’t. Go back into that party and leave me alone.”

Alex’s face fell, his full lips turned up into a pout, eyes confused.

“Really? That look? Come on.”

“Wot?!” He shouted at her and she just groaned and rolled her eyes, spinning on her heel as she began to march away again. “Emma! Come on!”

“I’m leaving.”

“What, yeh’re just gonna walk? It’s too cold for that!”

“Yeah well, maybe I’ll get frostbite and die so I don’t have to show up to this dumb party next year.” She cried over her shoulder. Her breath came out in white silvery puffs, clouding around her. She pulled her jacket tighter; it was fucking _cold._

“Don’t say that!” Alex exclaimed, his voice cracking a bit. He cleared it and shouted again. “What will I have to look forward to next year?”

She scoffed. “I don’t know… your _girlfriend_ perhaps?” 

“Don’t be like that either! Throw that in my face like that… What about yehr bloke?”

Emma stopped again and turned. “What? You mean the really handsome, really good looking guy that was tall and sweet and nice and really fucking good in bed? _That_ guy? Yeah well… he _left_. So that ship has sailed.” 

_Because I have a crush on you, and I can’t stop thinking about you,_ _you stupid dickhead._

“He left you?” Alex murmured, the clouds of smoke leaving his mouth somehow much prettier than hers. It seemed to swirl and curl up towards the sky like tiny strains of sugar floss. 

_Naturally_. 

“Yes. Because he saw the two of us. That giant _nothing_ that happened? He saw it. So.” She sighed, the anger slowly dissipating as disappointment and sadness set in. 

“Oh… but…”

“Yeah. I tired to tell him that.”

“Either way… he shouldn’t have left you. _I_ wouldn’t have left you.”

She laughed, brimming with bitterness and spite. “Okay, Alex. I’m done now. I’m leaving.”

“Can I… can I give yeh a lift?” He murmured, feeling absolutely awful knowing that he’d remained relatively unscathed by the almost-kiss.

“My house isn’t far. So… no.”

“C’mon Emma…”

“ _Alex_.”

“Alreyt… fine. Go then.” He sighed, defeated. He knew he should stop following her now. He was nearly halfway down the street. He almost didn’t say it. He thought twice about it, but it happened like a knee-jerk reaction; coming out quick before he could stop it. “Merry Christmas, Emma!” 

When she heard that, her eyes prickled and she felt the tears welling up, threatening to spill down her cheeks. She didn’t respond. She didn’t wish him the same.

“I’ll see yeh next year, hopefully?”

Emma took a deep breath and crossed her arms over her chest. “Yeah, you probably will…” She muttered only loud enough for her to hear. “Because I’m a glutton for punishment.”


	4. 2010

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A soft, sweet, and adorable early SIAS Alex falls deeper in love with Emma…

// December 2010 // 

Alex didn’t know what to do with himself this year. It was his first Christmas alone in over two years. He’d split with his girlfriend only two months prior… and since he’d been on the receiving end of the breakup, the wound was still fresh. He didn’t miss her really… well, he _did…_ but it was more like he missed being _with_ someone. 

The thing was… the morning after he’d cried himself to sleep like a stupid baby… he woke up from a dream about Emma. It’d been nearly a year again already, and suddenly, he didn’t feel _as_ horrible as he had. Her face and the way she looked just before they were about to kiss under that godforsaken mistletoe, was the singular image that carried him through until two weeks before Christmas when he headed home to Sheffield. He was going to stay with his parents for awhile, hide away and let his mum take care of him. It was the main perk of being the only child, and also a mama’s boy.

For a week, he migrated from location to location in his parents’ house; his old bedroom… the couch in the sitting room… the kitchen table where his mum made him all his favorite meals… It was perfect. He did nothing but watch tv, eat biscuits, and think about _her._

Maybe if he had some way to contact her, he would, but he still never found out who she was related to at the party. Then again, even if he did have her number, he was too chicken to call her; especially after how she’d left last year.

Instead of being an adult, he just made himself sick over her for a week, thinking about all the conversations they could possibly have this year… what he’d say… how he’d act… He was giving himself anxiety over it, and he had no idea if she’d even show up in the first place. 

The day of the party had come, and he was going with Helders and Jamie and even Nick. They’d all come home to see their families, and Alex _finally_ had someone to hang out with. They met up beforehand, just down the street, passing a flask between the four of them. It was silly and dumb, but it made Alex feel loads better. The best part was, everyone made a pact to come alone so Alex wouldn’t feel left out. 

“‘ow yeh feelin’ Al? Look like yeh’ve been sleeping well. Gettin’ fed. Penny make yeh all yehr favorite meals?” Matt asked, taking a swig from the flask and thrusting it in his direction.

Alex chuckled, “Yeah… made me favorite biscuits, too. I’m a spoiled little boy.” He coughed when the alcohol burned his throat and he handed it off to Nick. “I’m glad you guys are ‘ere. Gettin’ lonely, actually.”

“Well… no one told yeh to run away to yehr mum, did they?” Jamie grinned, nearly finishing off the booze.

“He’s got a point.” Matt muttered through the collar and scarf he’d pulled up tight around his ears. “Are weh fuckin’ done yet? I’m freezin’ out ‘ere.”

“Reyt…” Nick finished the flask and tossed it back into the car and the four of them trudged through the muddy snow to the house. 

The party was already in full swing; seemingly much more loud and rowdy then it had been in years past. They shuffled through the front door single file, shaking off the cold as they waved and nodded to friends they hadn’t seen in ages. It was a good welcoming… everyone happy to see their hometown heroes. And it was rare that they were all together for a change in the same place.

They’d barely removed their coats when someone passed them a shot and Alex wondered what kind of night this was going to turn into. He’d thrown his coat over his arm until he could make it to the backroom, knocking back the shot with the lads before going off in search of a beer to wash it down. He entered the kitchen to find the fridge wide open, someone bent in front of it. He stood back a little, not wanting to be rude and push through. 

“What kind did you want?” The voice called to a girl standing just behind her. 

Alex raised his eyebrows, the girl’s voice behind the fridge sounding awfully familiar. She popped up a second later, and Alex gasped.

Emma.

She was here.

She hadn’t seen him yet, her back to him still. He momentarily contemplated running out until he was better prepared to talk to her, but it was too late. She was already peering back at him with those pretty hazel eyes of hers. She looked… _so_ good. Better than his memory served him.

“Thought yeh weren’t comin’ this year?” Alex blurted suddenly, and he felt the blush creep up his neck to his cheeks. 

_Of all the fucking things you planned on saying…_

“Nice to see you, too.” Emma grinned, leaning against the fridge. “Can I get you something while I’m in here?” 

“Erm… yeah… just… a beer… whatever’s…in there…” Alex stammered, brushing his hair back feeling like a complete fool. Two months worth of anguish over this girl, and this is how he behaves.

Emma pursed her lips, raising her eyebrows before ducking back into the fridge and grabbing one for each of them. She opened both their bottles and handed one to Alex. 

“Cheers, love.” He murmured and she grinned before taking a sip.

Emma studied him over the top of the glass, how different he looked _this_ year as opposed to last. His hair was shorter, shaggier, and it framed his face so adorably. He seemed lankier and taller… the cutest he’d looked since she’d met him. He wore a maroon sweater, tight-fitting with the sleeves pushed up, and jeans so worn in she felt like reaching out to touch how soft they were.

“How’ve you been?” She finally asked, once they’d stared at each other long enough before the silence became uncomfortable. 

“Alreyt… you?” He said softly, unable to take his eyes off her. Here she was. Live and in the flesh. Standing across from him in the same kitchen they’d stood in at least once every year. Her hair was done up in a purposely undone bun on top of her head, her bangs grown-out and swept to the sides of her face. Little wisps hung down like flyways… and his fingers twitched from wanting to tuck it back over her ear, to let his fingers linger down her neck…

“Better than last year.” She grinned, her bright smile stretching across her face. 

“Last year…” He murmured, taking another sip of his beer. “That year was a bit shit, wasn’t it?”

Her eyes widened and she smiled, “Yes. Yes it was. But this year seems to be shaping up to be better already.”

It was Alex’s turn to smile now, and he mirrored hers. “Yes. Yes it is.”

//

They were right.

They were able to talk for once, hanging around in the same little clique. All the boys were together, and they were all in good spirits, telling jokes and stories from the road. Emma listened with wide eyes, fully enthralled in every tale. They made her laugh and being with Alex made her feel as if perhaps last year had never even happened.

He sat perched on the arm of the couch, pushing his sleeves up as they kept slipping, telling a story quite animatedly with his hands flying about for emphasis. Emma was staring, she knew it, and when he caught her eye, she bit her lip and bowed her head; he’d caught her. He smiled almost bashfully and stuttered a second as he lost his train of thought. He scratched his head, ruffling his shaggy hair until the thought came back around and he picked up where he left off. 

He was beautiful she decided. 

The Christmas tree was just behind him, backlighting his profile and she squinted a little, making the lights behind him look blurry in her vision. It was like a rainbow glow hummed around him and she secretly wished she could sneak her phone out and snap a picture of him; to remember him just as he was right now. But it wasn’t worth it. 

The camera could never capture how perfect he looked. 

//

The karaoke was back. 

When the regular party music was turned down, everyone groaned, but it quickly became as popular as it had been last year. Every drunk partygoer took a turn, and everyone laughed egging them on. Even Matt had a go with Nick singing backup to some silly Christmas song.

Emma and Alex were tucked away in the corner, talking quietly, getting warm from the outdoors. She’d followed him outside earlier for a smoke, getting lost in the way he looked when he puffed on his cigarettes… the way the little clouds curled up around his head, and the way he held it between his fingers. Her eyes idled on the ring on his pinky and she licked her lips, her throat suddenly dry. She was mesmerized all night by him and who he’d become. She found herself getting lost in his gentle brown eyes, admiring the long lashes and the way they brushed against his cheeks. 

Alex had caught her staring again, for the hundredth time that night. It made his stomach twist in knots, and he felt like he could spend the whole night just hanging out beside her. She was wearing a cute little knit dress, always a dress, and stockings with tiny hearts. His own heart ached at how adorable she was. He knew he should make his move, but… he honestly didn’t know the move to make. He didn’t want to screw this year up as bad as the last. So he chose to do nothing. He would let the night play out and see what happened.

//

The party was dying; many of the guests had gone home or were idling about talking in clusters throughout the house; just hanging on to the evening as long as they could. Alex had imbibed just enough beers to make him a bit bold and a lot romantic. He was sitting beside Emma, their legs touching completely, watching some horrible rendition of ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’by someone very drunk who assumed they sounded much better than they did. They giggled, trying not to poke too much fun at the very serious performer. 

“Honestly, I thought that’d never end.” Alex muttered, arms crossed over his chest when the last notes faded away. 

“Mmm,” Emma smiled, “you should go up there. Show everyone how it’s done.”

Alex seemed to shrink back into the couch, trying to disappear altogether. “Erm…”

“Come on. I’ve never seen you sing before.” She countered, batting her eyelashes at him. 

“Do you live under a rock?” 

“Noooo… I meant live, silly. In front of me own eyes!” She teased elbowing him.

He chuckled at her silly attempt at his accent. “Do yeh realeh want meh to?”

“Yes!” She exclaimed, shoving him. “Sing me a Christmas tune. I’m in the mood for a cliche holiday song.”

“Wot… that last one didn’t do it for yeh?” He joked, sitting forward and pushing up his sleeves again.

“Absolutely not. Get going.”

“Alreyt, alreyt.” He smiled, hauling himself off the couch and over to the laptop that was set up with an open playlist. He stumbled a bit, tugging at the hem of his sweater while he scrolled the list finding one could do properly. He grabbed the mic, spotting the one he wanted. 

Clearing his throat, he mumbled, “Erm… I’ve ‘ad a couple of drinks so… dunno ‘ow well this’ll sound… but…”

He didn’t need to watch the little screen, he knew the lyrics well. When the tune kicked in Alex started off shaking a bit even though there weren’t many people watching. He didn’t really care who was present anyways, because he only had eyes for her. 

Emma sat tucked into the couch, holding her drink with both her hands on her lap. Her full focus was on him, and he smiled shyly at her, making eye contact.

 _When did he grow up?_ Emma wondered studying Alex from across the room as he crooned one of her very favorite Christmas songs. 

“ _When the bells all ring and the horns all blow, and the couples that we know are finally kissing… Will I be with you or will I be among the missing?_ ”

Emma’s heart pounded so hard in her chest, she swallowed back the sound, hoping no one could hear it. She was melting, melting down right into the couch because he was singing not just _for_ her, but _to_ her. She glanced around to see if anyone else was paying attention, and there were a few, but when she glanced back, his eyes were still on her. 

“ _Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight… when it’s exactly twelve o’clock midnight… welcoming in the New Year, New Year’s Eve…_ ”

She sucked in her breath, the way his fingers pushed up the sleeves of that maroon sweater, and the way he gripped the mic, his nose just skimming the top of it. He had a scrap from a silver tinsel garland hanging haphazardly around his neck, and it made him look so much sweeter. 

“ _Oh, maybe I’m crazy to suppose… that I’d ever be the one that you chose… out of the thousand invitations you receive…_ ”

Emma worried her bottom lip as his eyes closed just for a moment to croon that particular line. She wanted to wrap her arms around him and hug him; to cover him in kisses. Maybe they could run away together, and then they wouldn’t have a reason to come back to this silly party ever again…

“ _Oh, but in case I stand one little chance… here comes the jackpot question in advance… What are you doing New Year’s, New Year’s Eve_?”

Alex was asking her; really truly asking her. He wanted to know. He wanted to be with her; to see her again outside of this little bubble. The notes faded out, and he stared at her intently, making sure she knew. He clicked off the mic and set it aside, pushing up those damn sleeves again as he made his way back to the couch. He rubbed his palms on his jeans, his hands sweaty with nerves before he settled back in beside her. 

“‘ey…” He murmured, his body angled towards her, his arm on the back of the couch, so close to her now he could smell her perfume and he breathed in subtly to remember the notes forever.

Emma’s heart was beating fast and she put her hand over it to calm it down. This… this wasn’t what she’d expected tonight; didn’t even think she’d still feel this way after all this time, but…

Alex didn’t know if it was the right thing to do or not, but he did it anyways. He placed his hand on her thigh, the stitches from the hearts raised against her skin. She was soft and warm, and he knew she was going to taste sweet when he finally-

“Alex… I-” She began, her voice small and timid. 

“Emma… I screwed up last year… I’m sorreh… I… shouldn’t have let it go that far… I ruined yehr night… and it’s destroyed meh ever since.” Alex admitted, getting out some of the words he’d practiced so many times over. “And then I let yeh leave… and… it’s crushed meh ever since.”

He squeezed her thigh just above her knee, and she looked down at his hand, covering it with her own. “Alex… it’s… it’s okay. That was a long time ago… I just think you should know…”

But Alex wasn’t listening. Instead, he was leaning in towards her… his warm brown eyes nearly falling closed as he licked his lips in anticipation. Emma whimpered, the smell of him intoxicating her, his hand so soft and a little bit rough as he squeezed her. She could do it. She could close her eyes and do it. Just let it happen.

She gulped, watching him tilt his head in preparation and she gripped his fingers tight; hoping he’d understand. “Alex, stop.”

This time, he heard her.

He halted, hovering so close to her, only pulling away just slightly. His eyes were full of confusion as he searched hers. “Wot? Do yeh… should weh go somewhere else?”

Emma shook her head, the tears prickling behind her eyes. How many times was she gonna cry at this stupid party anyways?

“No. I can’t… I can’t go anywhere with you. Not tonight.”

“But Emma… I thought…?” Alex’s heart sunk, unsure of what was happening exactly. He’d put himself out there… read all the signs… all the signals she’d sent…

“You’re going to hate me. I hate me.”

“Tell me.” He said quickly, needing an immediate answer. After these last two months of torment and anguish from losing one girl, and then pining after the next…

“I have a boyfriend, Alex.”

_What._

Alex’s heart sunk into the pit of his stomach and when he fully took in what she said, he retracted from her so fast it was as if he’d just scorched his hand on a hot iron.

“A _boyfriend_?” He sputtered, his head a complete mess. “But why would yeh…? Where is he then?”

Emma gulped, the expression on Alex’s face breaking her heart into a thousand pieces. “He couldn’t make it tonight… he wanted to, but…”

“And yeh’re serious?” He asked her softly, raising his eyebrow in disbelief. “Yeh’re not just havin’ a laugh because of last year?”

“I’m not lying to you. I’m… so…” She didn’t want to simply say sorry because, it was too insensitive. She’d already crushed him, she couldn’t do it again. “I… _apologize_ for… leading you on… honestly… I was enjoying your company so much… I just love being around you… and if-”

“Don’t say it.” He struggled trying to get off the stupid couch, wishing he could literally disappear right then. “Don’t fuckin’ tell meh if he wasn’t in the picture because I don’t want to ‘ear it.”

“But it’s true, Alex!” Emma cried in a whisper, sitting forward as he stood up. She’d ruined everything. 

“That was a shit thing to do. Yeh should know that.” 

She’d never seen him upset. Ever. This was new. And it was eating her alive. She scrambled off the couch and after him as he turned to leave. “Wait!” She exclaimed, much louder than she’d intended. A few people turned to look at them, including Matt and Nick who’d come back into the room after all this time. She bowed her head sheepishly in front of their audience.

Alex turned back to her, lowering his head as he stepped closer. “Emma. Listen.” He waited for her to look up into his eyes and it felt like a thousand knives stabbing him in the gut. Rusty mangled knives. “Weh’ve gotta stop doin’ this to eachother, yeah?”

A tear slipped down her cheek as she stared into those beautiful eyes of his, his soft, fluffy hair falling across his forehead in waves. “Last year you were seeing someone. And it _killed_ me. What you’re feeling right now is _exactly_ how I felt .”

“So yeh did it on purpose? Led meh on so yeh could embarrass meh like that? So I would hurt as much as you did? Like payback?” He scoffed in disbelief.

“No! Never! I never meant to…” She sighed, “Alex. Listen to me. I have liked you since the moment I met you. I’ve thought about you every single year since… and I thought… well… I can’t sit around and wait forever, so… I _did_ something about it.” 

Alex sighed. “It’s just… never been the reyt time, ‘as it?”

“No. It hasn’t.” She told him softly, exhaling heavily. 

“I don’t ‘ave anythin’ else teh say reyt now… so if yeh’ll excuse meh… I’m gonna go.”

She grabbed his hand, stopping him. “Wait…” He looked back at her, and she stood on her tiptoes, cupping his face with her other hand before placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He looked down at her with so much sadness in his eyes, her soft lips tearing his heart right out. “I hope y’ave a good ‘oliday, Emma. I’ll see y’around.” He squeezed her hand once before pulling away.

Her hand dropped to her side when he let go, and she watched him sulk away, her legs like jelly. It was over. She’d literally ruined everything. _Again._ She should’ve just let it happen. What harm would a kiss have done?

_Well, it ruined your last relationship, so…_

“Wot just ‘appened? Where’s Al goin’? Why does yehr face look like yeh’ve seen a ghost? Too much teh drink?” Matt’s slightly drunk questions were relentless. 

“He hates me.”

Matt laughed, “Why’s that? Yeh break his ‘eart or summat?”

“As a matter of fact, yeah. I did. I told him I have a boyfriend.”

His face fell. “Oh.” He watched Alex escape through the front door. “That’s unfortunate… He erm… just broke up with his bird not too long ago, so… he’s feelin’… sorta down reyt now. Yeh know like, a gaping wound where ‘is ‘eart were before?”

Emma closed her eyes. Maybe one year she wouldn’t fuck up royally. “Perfect. Well… I tried to apologize, but” She sighed, giving up. “He forgot his coat, Matt.”

“I’ll get it. Don’t worreh.” He patted her back. “It’s gonna be fine. He’ll be fine.”

She nodded as he too left her. And once again; she was alone.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, breaking her out of her trance. Some small part of her hoped it was Alex… but then she realized, they’d never bothered to exchange any information. 

**I miss you. I hope you’re having fun. x**

She sighed deeply at her boyfriend’s text, sending off a quick response, unsure even of what she’d said. The only thought on her mind now was Alex, and the face he’d made just before he left.

“Merry fucking Christmas, Emma.”


	5. 2011

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex has changed, and Emma’s… totally smitten with his new image. Something good happens for our seemingly ill-fated pair.

// December 2011 //

Emma was late. _Very late._

The party started over an hour ago, and she was hurrying down the sidewalk, the heels of her boots scuffling and catching on patches of ice.

“Yes. This is all I need this year. To break my neck _on my way_ to the party.” She muttered to herself, pulling her big, cozy faux fur coat tighter as the night’s chill stung her cheeks and legs. Perhaps she should’ve chosen a longer coat, but… nothing else went as well with the dress she’d selected specifically for the occasion . Despite the fact that the air was so cold and she’d surely have a nose redder than Rudoph’s… it would be well worth it when she got there.

This year, she was prepared. 

Word was that Alex was single; had been for months. 

It was really all speculation… rumors people had spread about him, but she spent the last few weeks seriously holding on to the notion that he really was. Because amazingly _…_ _so was she_.

She giggled to herself as she got closer and closer, the cars lining either side of the street around the bend reminding her of how late she really was. “Parties never start on time.” She reminded herself.

But it wasn’t just that… it was the fact that she wanted to spend as much time with Alex as humanly possible. That was… if he still wanted her the way he seemed to last year.

She skipped up the steps, sneaking in quickly to be greeted by the warm rush of heat. They had the fire going; she could smell the delicious scent already. She passed the mirror in the foyer, noting the bright red nose as she’d predicted, and willed it to go away lest she ran into him immediately. Other than that; everything looked alright. She was greeted by friends as she rounded the corner, and she said quick hellos before skirting off down the hall to the coat room. She waved to someone just as she got to the bedroom, slipping the buttons on her coat while she crossed the threshold. 

She halted dead in her tracks when she spotted the figure standing at the foot of the bed; his head bent as he searched his pockets for what she could only assume was his lighter, noting the cigarette dangling from his lips. 

Alex glanced up, sensing the presence of someone else in the room other than himself. His eyebrow cocked as he realized who it was and a smirk curled at the edge of his lips, the cigarette hanging on for dear life.

“Emma.” He breathed, standing up straight and shaking back his shoulders.

She gasped softly, telling herself to shut her mouth so she didn’t quite so much resemble a dead fish. “Alex…?”

Here she was thinking she was prepared to tackle her years-long crush after a devastating two-thousand-and-ten season… when he goes and shows up like _that._ Had he looked like that a few months ago? When was the last time she’d caught him on tv…?

Alex’s eyes sparkled, the devil in them as he drank her in. Well… it wasn’t so much drink as it was _devour._ Emma shifted under his heavy gaze, something igniting inside her that hadn’t quite been there the last time they were in a room alone together.

“Mmm… Good teh see yeh, love.” He drawled, his accent somehow thicker, heavier, his tongue licking at every word as it tumbled languidly from his lips. “I’m goin’ out for a smoke… care teh join meh?”

_But…_

“Um…” She squeaked softly, and she bit her lip, really wishing she hadn’t sounded like that just then. “Yes. Yeah…sure.” She tried to maintain her cool, but her mind screamed _I just got here and it’s freezing outside but I’d honestly follow you anywhere_. 

Alex chuckled at her reaction, nodding his head in the direction of the sliding door not-so-cleverly concealed by a row of floor-to-ceiling blinds. “C’mon… there’s no one out ‘ere…” 

Emma had to remind herself to use her feet to propel her body forward. _That’s how it works when you walk, Emma… one foot in front of the other._ It was hard. He was so gorgeous. Not that he hadn’t been before, but this was…. this was… _When had Alex Turner become so sexy?_

She fastened her coat back up, smoothing out the front like that made any difference at all. He pushed the slider open through the blinds and held them back for her to walk through. The cold hit her again full force and she wrapped her arms around herself to keep the heat in. They were blocked in by a series of tall shrubs; quiet… secluded. 

_Oh…_

Emma heard the flick and click of his lighter behind her and she turned just in time to catch him lighting his cigarette. She swallowed thickly, the scene before her like something out of her wildest dreams. His hair was… well it was gone… no more sweet boy hiding behind the shaggy fluff. It was all greased up and slicked back, the front curling just over his forehead, disguising that widow’s peak she knew was hidden just below. He looked like he’d stepped out of a different era, the Teddy Boy look suiting him. It made his face that much more angular, his jaw sharp and cutting. And when he inhaled, his lips wrapped around the cigarette, his cheekbones prominent. He was so _cool_. Not that he hadn’t been before… but… this was like a completely different person.

“God, it’s freezin’…” He commented with chuckle, shoving one of his hands deep inside the pocket of his navy pea coat. The collar stood up straight, shielding his neck from the cold, the scarf that hung there barely providing any warmth. 

“It is.” Emma smiled softly, unsure now just how to act in front of him.

“I won’t keep yeh long… just wanted some company.” And he flashed that same gorgeous smile she fell in love with.

Suddenly it wasn’t so cold outside anymore.

“It’s fine… I don’t mind it…”

“So how’ve yeh been… yeh look realeh good.”

Emma’s cheeks burned, and she burrowed deeper into her jacket. “Thanks… um… you do too.” He just smirked in response. _Cocky bastard_. “I’m… I’m doing well… can’t believe weh’re already back here again.”

“I know…” He exhaled, the cigarette smoke an opaque cloud as it mingled with the night air. “Seems like forever but… also not.”

She dug into the pavement with the heel of her boot. “Yeah… you um… you seem… different, maybe?”

He laughed outright, “Different bad or… different good?”

“Different good.” She assured him all to quickly.

Alex smirked watching the color rise up on her cheeks, loving the way her nose turned all red out here. He wanted to kiss it. To kiss her. He noticed how hard she was shaking, and took one last drag before flicking his cigarette. He couldn’t talk to her out here like this.

“C’mon love, let’s get yeh back inside.”

“Oh thank God.” She sighed with relief and they smiled at each other before heading back in. Alex removed his coat, his eyes on her as she took hers off as well. 

“Speakin’ of people lookin’ different…” Alex drawled, his eyes trailing up her body. She was wearing a dress again, but it wasn’t sweet and it wasn’t cute, and there were no heart tights to be seen; as much as he’d loved them on her. She wore a tight cobalt blue mini-dress that hugged every single curve of her body… the curves Alex had never really had the chance to see before. “Yeh look… good, like…”

Emma actually glanced down to see what she was wearing again, as if she’d forgotten after hours of contemplation. When she looked back up, Alex was still checking her out and she raised her eyebrow at him, waiting for him to look her in the eyes.

“Thanks…” She replied cooly, her confidence coming back now that she was getting used to whatever this new version of Alex was. “So… what made you go for that… look?”

“Why…? D’yeh not like it or summat?” He teased, revealing a leather jacket beneath his other coat. 

“Actually… no… I kind of love it.”

“ _Kind of_?” 

“Look. You know you look fucking good, alright? Don’t make me say it again.” She laughed, brushing some fly-aways out of her eyes.

Alex bit his bottom lip as they stared each other down, that uncomfortable sexual tension humming between them again.

“Wanna get a drink?”

“Yes, definitely.” She breathed and the two of them went to join the rest of the party.

//

Emma had never seen Alex so outgoing before. It was like he’d cut his hair and suddenly the shyness disappeared. It was so effortless between the two of them, the flirting at an all-time high. She teased him about emulating Richard Hawley and asked him how many pounds of pomade he used to get his hair to stay like that. Alex didn’t mind… he loved the ribbing, but he couldn’t tease her back… he just couldn’t. He was in love with every single thing about her.

He loved the way her hazel eyes sparkled when she laughed, and he loved the way the little tendrils of her toffee-colored hair slipped out of the low knot at the nape of her neck. Most importantly, he loved that she was here again; even if nothing happened… he just wanted to be around her.

“Are you gonna dance with me, or…?” Emma grinned, when another good song boomed through the speakers.

“Absolutely not.” Alex chuckled, sipping his beer. “But you go ahead. I don’t mind watching.”

“Noooo…” She giggled, leaning her shoulder on the wall beside him. “I feel silly doing that… can’t dance alone.” 

“Well, good. Yeh can stay ‘ere and talk to meh, then.” He breathed deeply, turning his body so they were facing each other. His eyes drifted across her face and down her body and then back up again.

“Don’t look at me like that.” She murmured, a teasing smile on her lips, her eyes batting flirtatiously. 

“I’m gun’ teh look at yeh any way I want teh.” Alex growled lowly, his eyes falling to her full pink lips, and then back to her eyes again.

Emma swallowed hard, stepping in a bit closer, mesmerized by his gaze. 

The tension. It was back. Thick. Heavy.

“D’yeh wanna get-”

“ _Yes_.” Emma replied almost immediately and Alex raised his eyebrows at her rapid reply. She slipped her hand in his and they pushed through the bodies in the living room until they passed through the entryway with the mistletoe and into the long hallway. “Where should we go?”

“Coat room. Only one that’s kept open.” Alex replied, nodding down the hall.

Emma nodded, too excited to think of a plan b. This was happening. 

They crept in, and Emma immediately checked the master bathroom to see if there was anyone lingering about. Alex was just clicking the lock on the main door when she came to stand beside him again and he looked to her with a twinkle in his eye.

“No one needs their jacket just yet I’m sure.”

She nodded her head in agreement and it took Alex a half a second before he had her pinned up against the door. Emma giggled at his eagerness and Alex chuckled at his own excitement. “I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“Four years.”

“Yes.” He laughed, his throat tight at the thought of all the bad things that had happened. “Wait… before weh do this… yeh… yeh’re not seein’ anybody… reyt?”

She bit her lip, shaking her head. “No… you?”

“No.”

“Good.” She said firmly, an intensity blazing in her eyes. He marveled at how dark and dim they became when she was in a particularly sexual mood, the amber surrounding her irises burning bright.

Alex squared his hips off with hers, licking his lips, his eyelids heavy and dreamy. Emma was melting. He closed his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath to try and calm himself. When he opened them, a smile graced his lips before he leaned in, his mouth hovering over hers.

“Kiss me.” She breathed, the both of them hanging in the moment. Alex paused for only a fraction of a second before his lips crushed against hers. Her mouth was soft, and warm, and inviting… and Alex kissed her long, and slow, and with a deliberate sense of purpose; wanting to remember and cherish this particular moment long after it was over. His tongue licked at her, tasting her, the fruitiness of the cocktail she’d had earlier making her mouth extra sweet.

Emma lifted her arms, wrapping them around his neck and pulling him close. He groaned into her mouth, pressing his hips against hers, her back now flat against the door. Emma’s stomach knotted and tumbled, his lips more perfect than she’d imagined. The amount of times she thought about how they’d feel were too many to count, and her heart was singing for him. He kissed her hungrily now, his belt buckled digging into her hip bone as he covered her body with his.

“God love…” Alex breathed, only pulling away for a moment to catch his breath. He whispered kissed at the corners of her mouth, his hands sailing up her back and coasting down again to hold tight onto her hips. She was everything he’d dreamt about and he kicked himself for being an idiot for the past four years. There was the small matter of a girlfriend at the time, but if Alex was being honest with himself, it was Emma that had always had him hooked. 

“Alex I’m sorry…” Emma breathed when his mouth descended to her chin and down her neck, where he planned to spend a very long time exploring. 

“Wot…?” He looked up, his gorgeous brown eyes like melted chocolate, liquid and hazy.

“I’m sorry for last year.” She confessed, the way she’d hurt him had torn her up for a year; and she thought about him more than she was willing to confess.

“S’alreyt,” Alex whispered softly, his thumb caressing her lip, and he swooped in to steal a few more quick pecks. “Yeh did the reyt thing, and… I wasn’t in a good place. But…” He pressed even tighter against her if that were possible, “I am now.”

“A very good place.” She confirmed, pulling his face close to hers once more. She was going to kiss him until his lips were good and raw. 

Alex smirked, teasing her before they locked lips again. Emma’s eyes fell closed, falling victim to his prowess, his confidence, the assuredness in his actions that hadn’t been there in the past. Their lips seemed a perfect match; sliding and teasing, tasting and pulling; and he captured her full bottom lip between his own. He sucked and nibbled, drawing moans and whimpers from deep within her.

“Yeh’re perfect…” He husked between playful nips. “I could kiss yeh forever…” 

His hand slipped down her waist, his fingers lingering just above the swell of her ass. 

“Keep going.” She giggled against his mouth, when she felt him hesitate. There was no need to take it slow; surely they were comfortable enough now to just dive right in.

Alex leaned his forehead against hers, the curls of his quiff tickling her skin. “Alreyt…” He chuckled, nervous on the inside, as much as he tried to project confidence like his newly adopted stage persona.

Emma didn’t know what sound it was that escaped her lips, all she knew was that when Alex’s hand squeezed her ass, she arched her body into his as a silent plea for more.

“Yeh like that?” He teased, grabbing another fistful, feeling her body twitch, her leg lifting in response. 

With her knee at the side of his hip he was invited closer, much closer, and the heat that burned and crackled between them felt so intoxicating now. Emma’s hands slid down his neck, her fingers linking in the cool metal of his chain. He kissed her again, his nose bumping against hers, making her giggle.

“Shhh…” Laughter danced on the edges of his whisper when he kissed her cheek and down her neck again. His fingers sunk into her thigh, holding her tight to him while his mouth wreaked havoc on her neck. He licked and sucked along her collar bone, his nose gliding across her soft skin, inhaling the scent that was completely her. 

Emma’s hands trailed down his chest, counting the buttons down his shirt as she went, wondering how quickly she could remove it if she were given the opportunity. His waist was thin and firm, a little bit of softness at his hips. He had a kissable kind of body, one that she’d surely thought about naked… mostly after the night he’d placed his hand on her thigh. She’d had dreams of him in that maroon sweater, how his hair would stick up from the static when she pulled it over his head. And then what his chest would look like underneath, and how desperately she wanted to cuddle up to it.

Her arms wound around his waist beneath his leather jacket, the red satin warm from his overheated skin. She loved it on him, but she wanted it off, wanted to see his arms, to feel them around her. Alex paused when he felt her trying to push it off his shoulders, a determined pout on her lips. He gazed at her curiously, dropping his arms to his sides to help her with her mission. It fell to the floor with a thud, and she grinned at him, a satisfied smirk on her lips.

“Just want meh naked reyt ‘ere don’t yeh?” He teased, his voice dark and thick like velvet; his arms facing palms up at his sides. 

“Mmm…” She hummed as her fingers skimmed along his skin, pushing up the cuffs of his sleeves at his elbows, tracing his tattoo and down, down, down the veins of his forearms until she could entwine his fingers with hers. She pressed her lips to his chin quickly, aching to adorn him with her kisses the way she’d always wanted to. “C’mere you…” 

Emma tugged him closer to her again, her lips smooth and wet as they pressed against his, her tongue teasing him before she kissed up that sharp jaw of his, to his ear where he moaned happily as she sucked on his earlobe. “Oh… you like this…” She whispered, her fingers gripped tight on the collar of his shirt.

Alex wound his arms around her, hugging her close, needing her pressed against him while she had her way with him. “I’ve had dreams about kissing you all over…” She cooed, before feathering a kiss on the pair of freckles beneath his lip. He was adorable and sexy and her mind felt fuzzy as she tried to absorb every second of this moment. She was disappearing into him, their bodies like liquid as they melted together, finally acting on all the tension they’d accrued over the years. 

He was torn; simultaneously wanting to throw her on the bed and ravage her, but also wanting to hold her in his arms and kiss her slow until the sun came up. Oh, but couldn’t he do both?  
There was a loud banging on the door that startled the two of them; their intimate little moment interrupted. They were so very lost in the idea of exploring one another for the rest of the night that they’d almost forgotten where they were. 

“Shit.” Alex hissed under his breath. 

Emma grinned up at him, blinking her eyes dreamily at the flush of his cheeks and his slightly mussed hair. Slightly because her fingers could only ruffle so much with all that pomade. The pounding continued and Alex scooped his jacket up off the floor, his eyes on hers as he slid it back on. 

Her lips were red and swollen at his doing, and there were more tendrils falling out of her hair then there had been before. He gazed at her with adoration and a strong feeling in his gut that this needed to continue. 

“This… could be a horrible idea… but… weh could do one of two things…” 

Emma raised her eyebrows, excited to hear what her options were, despite the incessant pounding at the door.

“One… weh could ditch this party, and yeh could let meh walk yeh back to yehrs and hopefully invite me up.” He grinned, quite pleased with himself for being so bold as to suggest a tryst with the gorgeous girl standing before him; because it certainly _wasn’t_ something he did often.

“And two?” She purred, her eyes dancing golden brown as the amber radiated from the irises with delight.

“And two,” He echoed, “Weh could just ‘ead back out there, grab a drink and listen to shitty renditions of shitty Christmas tunes for the remainder of the evening.”

Emma whistled. “ _Wow_. Tough choice.”

Alex raised his eyebrow as he waited on her response. The pounding on the door getting on his nerves. “‘Ey! Pack it in! Give us a fuckin’ second!”

“ _Fuck off_.” He heard the person on the other side grumble and they both burst into laughter.

“One. I choose option one.” Emma cried breathlessly, and Alex threw his arm around her waist, kissing her quick. 

“Thank fuck. Grab yehr coat, darlin’.”

The nervous knot in her stomach was replaced by an excited flurry of butterflies, and they fluttered and swooped as Alex helped her with her coat. He slipped his hand in hers when they were both properly dressed, and they dashed out of the room and past the persistent asshole who told them to ‘fuck off’ once more as they sailed down the hallway.

Emma’s feet scurried to keep up with Alex’s much longer strides, and she bowed her head, biting her lip as she avoided eye contact with the other partygoers. She couldn’t care less what they thought as they pushed past them, she just wanted to think of Alex and only Alex as he pulled her towards the front.

“It’s four streets up and one over.” Emma explained while they stood on the front steps, Alex hurriedly buttoning up his navy coat, wrapping the scarf tighter and popping the collar up to shield his ears.

“Gonna beh a long walk, then.” He huffed with a grin, his warm breath sending smoke signals like love letters into the starry night sky.

“I could keep you warm.” She chirped, her cute little smile warming him up almost instantly.

Alex grinned at the rosy red her nose was already turning, and tapped it once before he linked his arm with hers. “C’mon, love… let meh take yeh home.”


	6. 2012

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex and Emma are world’s apart.

// December 2012 //

_Emma: So you’re not coming then?_

**Alex: I don’t really see how I can. Considering I’m in L.A. and the party’s tonigh** t.

_Emma: …_

**Alex: I can’t tell if you’re writing me a novel or if you’ve left the message open and forgot about me.**

(after a very long pause)

 _Emma: I could never forget about you, Ale_ x.

**Alex: … I can practically hear the sadness in your words.**

_Emma: That’s because I’m sad. Even though we’re not… I don’t know… it’s tradition and you said you’d be here regardless._

**Alex: That was ages ago. Didn’t know I’d be recording then. And now I am.**

_Emma: So you’re spending the holidays in California?_

**Alex: This year I am.**

_Emma: *le sigh*_

**Alex: I don’t know what that means.**

_Emma: It means I’m SAD Alex. I’m sad. I’m upset that I’m not going to see you._

**Alex: I miss talking to you.**

_Emma: I miss you. All of you._

**Alex: Em… we agreed.**

_Emma: I know. I know. I just thought maybe… the party._

**Alex: …**

**Alex: I just can’t do it to you, love. We’re not even on the same Continent. Haven’t been for nearly a year. It’s just… not the right time maybe…**

_Emma: I know._

**Alex: You’re a know-it-all.**

_Emma: True. I’m so good, I even know what you’re going to say next._

**Alex: What’s that?**

_Emma: Merry Christmas, Emma._

**Alex: …**

**Alex: Merry Christmas, Emma. xx**

**Alex: you forgot the kisses.**


	7. 2013

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A heartbroken Emma struggles to find the happiness in her holidays.

// December 2013 //

Emma didn’t know why she was even here. He wasn’t coming. She’d known for months he wasn’t coming. And he was the only real reason she ever kept going back. She was sure… she was _positive_ that after that last time they were together two years ago that… she wouldn’t be sitting here alone without him… again. 

But here she was.

If she had any kind of brains, she would accept one or maybe all of the invitations that had been offered to her from decent guys that’d crossed her path throughout the year. But she didn’t. Her mind was still scrambled and her heart was still very much in love with a guy she couldn’t have. Well… she _could_ have him but… her life didn’t allow her to just fly about the country following him around wherever he went. Especially not now… not when he was in the middle of promoting the biggest album of his career; performing in arena after arena with the other boys she missed so much.

No… they’d agreed at the beginning of January last year, that it wouldn’t be fair to either of them if they tried to maintain some sort of relationship. Long-distance relationships were terminal; a fatal game where everyone and everything got chewed up in the carnage of hurt feelings and angry accusations. Especially with someone like Alex. He was famous and she was very much… not.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a couple making the eyes at one another in the very same spot her and Alex had their ‘almost first kiss’. It made her heart ache, and she chewed her lip, swallowing back tears. She wanted to leave, to run home and hide, but her coat was in the room. _The_ room. Someone had dropped it off for her when she arrived, but now she was faced with the terrorizing thought of having to retrieve it herself. She sighed, frustrated and upset that she let herself be this way. He probably didn’t care anyways… he’d moved on apparently. She’d heard it through friends months ago. 

Pretty girl. Tall. A model.

After a series of hopeless dead-end set-ups, she’d given up completely. Boys were dumb and she was growing tired of playing dating roulette. She could live with being alone forever. At least he rheart would never get broken. Tonight though, she thought maybe she’d strike gold and meet someone new; but alas it was the same crowd as always, the same people who’d been coming for years. Anyone who was new was the cousin or sibling of someone else and much, much younger. 

She was done. Couldn’t do it. So she fought her fears and braved the coat room. It was quick, in-and-out as she dashed in blindly snatching her fur. She carried it out and shoved her arms into it angrily, feeling a very strong case of deja vu. She said goodbye to a few friends, hugging them without very much feeling at all, especially because they all had a look in their eyes because they knew… how could they not? It wasn’t a very large neighborhood to begin with and with Alex being who he was…

She fingered her phone in her pocket as she trudged home, turning it over and over again in her hands, dragging her feet, dreading going back to her empty place. Her mind was cruel, showing her vivid images of the nearly three weeks she’d spent with Alex when he was home the last Christmas she saw him. The same Christmas he’d walked her home, stealing kisses in the cold night and barely making it up the stairs to her little loft before they’d torn their clothes off one another and fucked. 

Her stomach ached, and her knees felt weak as she struggled to fight back the memories. It was a torturous game she played with herself, but she couldn’t stop thinking about him. Especially not that first night… 

It was quick; rough and rushed as they got all the nerves and excitement out of their system. Alex came fast; embarrassed and apologizing profusely, telling her it was because he’d waited so long to be with her. She didn’t mind, especially not when he promised to make it up to her. Her cheeks flushed at the thought of him going down on her while he gave himself time to recharge. The way he kissed lazily up her thighs, pushing them apart to lick and suck the joints at her hips, discovering a place she’d never thought to explore herself, not that she could’ve with her hands the way he did with his mouth. She nearly slowed to a stop when she remembered the way his nose brushed through the patch of hair concealing his ‘favorite part of her’. He’d kissed her and kissed her until she came apart, not once but two times, his tongue delving in as the main attraction. He’d pressed his hand to her abdomen when she orgasmed, sliding it up her body to grab her breast when she arched her back, cumming for him in waves. She’d never been treated like that before, and they spent those next few days cooped up inside her flat doing more of the same. 

It made her sick to her stomach to consider those few short weeks the best of her life, but they _were;_ and they’d probably remain that way for a very long time.

She sighed, the tears streaming down her cheeks now as the noise from the party grew fainter and fainter the farther she got down the street. Last year the’d been fine. But this year, she could barely keep herself together, every little thing setting her off. Especially now that his face was everywhere.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, scaring the shit out of her, nearly making her slip on a rogue patch of ice. She dug it out from her pocket; the screen still glowing with a new notification. She sucked in her breath, the icy air burning her lungs. 

**Merry Christmas, Emma.** **xx**

She read and re-read the message a thousand times searching for hidden meanings or clues but there were none. Why would there be? It was just a friendly greeting. Out of habit. Besides. he was never really hers to begin with.

Her fingers were ice cold without the protection of her gloves, and she slipped them back on once her phone was tucked safely in her pocket again. She made it approximately five steps before it buzzed again and she was sure she’d let a wail out into the cool night air. 

**Think about you a lot this time of year. I miss you.**

***le sigh***

In spite of how truly awful she felt; like a rusty gardening spade had dug a great big hole in her chest; she still laughed. She decided that maybe they couldn’t be together, but they would always have some sort of love for one another, and maybe that was enough. 

**Merry Christmas, Alex.**


	8. 2014

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex is done touring for the AM album… and he meets up with Emma for the first time in two years.

// December 2014 //

Alex sat in the car, head back against the seat, waiting. He’d texted her earlier, just to confirm that she’d definitely be there. It was ridiculous that they wouldn’t just meet someplace else instead of the stupid party… but neither of them really made the effort to suggest another option. Besides, she was right; it was kind of tradition…

The tour was over. He was done. Promotion for this last album drained him, and he was exhausted. The minute he got back to his home in Los Angeles, he slept. And slept. And then slept some more. And when he thought he couldn’t possibly sleep anymore… he did. It was a solid ten days before he fully emerged from his post-tour coma; and the first thing on his mind was someone who was very, _very_ far away; someone who deserved far better than how she’d been treated. He thought about the texts he and Emma had sent over the last two years, and it made him sick to his stomach. The more he thought about it, the more he felt like he was actually going to be physically sick; and so he did. He splashed cool water on his face after he’d thrown up what little contents his stomach contained, and stared long and hard at his reflection in the mirror. He looked worse for wear, despite the endless hours of sleep these past two weeks. 

Sitting in the car now, he squinted, brow furrowed, as he thought back to that day nearly a month ago now, when he sent his first text to Emma in over three months. His neck felt hot even now, thinking about how weird and awkward it had been. He knew she must have felt as strange as he did after all that time; and she’d been terribly short with him the first day or two. Alex didn’t care at all, he embraced it actually, willingly accepting her icy cold one or two word responses. She started to warm up to him again after a little while, and they went back to texting one another on a regular basis. The last conversation they’d had was about meeting up again; and so here Alex sat. 

He got there early and waited, music quietly humming in the background as Alex thought about Emma and what she was going to look like this year. He hadn’t seen her in over two years, and he’d done nothing but dream about her and what she must look like now. The last time he’d seen her, he was a much different person; and he was positive she was too. He thought about her face when he’d said goodbye that January; heading back out on tour. It was like all the color and light was drained from her pretty face and it tore Alex into a million pieces. He remembered lying in his bunk on the bus, picturing that expression over and over and over again. 

They broke it off not long after. 

Alex absentmindedly felt around for his cigarettes and lighter, hoping it would calm his nerves. He was excited of course, but terrified he’d screw up all over again. He knew what he wanted from her and he hoped she wanted the same.

His phone buzzed across the dash, and he snapped it up, reading the message.

 **I’m just around the corner.**

Alex froze, she was nearly there. He typed a quick ‘alreyt’ and pulled down the visor to check himself out one last time. He didn’t look amazing, but he did look better than he _had_ and that was good enough. He slicked his hair back with the palms of his hands and took the cigarette from his lips, exhaling a deep breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

He ducked his head spotting a figure walking from the direction he knew her loft was located, and watched her for just a moment before he got out of his car. She was wearing a dress. Always a dress. And her tights had a pattern that he couldn’t quite make out, and she was wearing her fur coat; the same one she’d worn that last Christmas. His heart swelled when her face came into focus, and he closed his eyes trying to calm himself before he opened his door and got out. 

He could hear the clicking of her heels on the pavement, the crunch of the gravel beneath her soles, and for some reason it took him straight back to two-thousand-and-nine when she couldn’t get away from him fast enough. 

“‘ey you.” He called to her, his voice thick and heavy as it sailed across the bitter winter air. It echoed off the deserted pavement, his car too far away from the party for the noise to interfere.

Emma looked around, trying to locate where his voice was coming from. He was dressed in nearly all black, probably looked like a shadow to her. When she spotted him, her face lit up. The smile that stretched across her face as she approached set Alex in motion and he met her halfway. He didn’t even stop when he reached her, he couldn’t.

“I’m just gonna ‘ug yeh… not even gonna ask…” He murmured as he threw his arms around her and hugged her close to his chest. 

Emma closed her eyes and melted right into him. The knot in her throat felt thick and her stomach churned, but he was here, and he was real and that was all she could ask for. 

He didn’t let go. Alex held her for as long as she would allow, the two of them in the middle of the empty street, snow flurries flying around them. 

“Are yeh cryin’?” Alex asked her softly, “Because I am.”

Emma laughed, the words catching on their way out. “I can’t help it.”

Alex could feel the wetness seeping through his t-shirt to his chest and he sighed, squeezing her even tighter if that were possible. “I wanna look at yeh, but I don’t wanna let yeh go.”

“You can hold me and look at me.” Her muffled voice suggested and it made Alex laugh.

“I s’pose I could.” He drawled and brushed his lips across the top of her head before leaning back a little and ducking his head to get her to look at him. Emma lifted her head from his chest, her eyes glassy with fresh tears, her nose red. “Ah…” Alex smiled, “I could swim in those eyes of yehrs…”

It was true. He’d thought about it a lot… getting lost in the pretty shades of her hazel irises, the amber and the olive and the mahogany. It was true, he’d thought about them enough to differentiate each color completely. 

Her cheeks burned, her eyelashes fluttering against them. Emma could feel his fingers pressed into her shoulder blades and the small of her back, and she wanted to scream at him; ‘don’t ever let me go!’

“‘ow are yeh?” Alex asked her softly, the deepness of his voice resonating through his chest and into hers. 

“Right now? Perfect.” She smiled up at him, her arms still wound firmly around his back. 

The wind spiraled up around them, blowing her hair across her face, and he frowned in concentration as he sorted it all back out again. The snowflakes were caught in her toffee-colored bob and in her eyelashes, and she looked like the sweetest thing he’d ever seen. “Before this though, ‘ow were yeh doin’?”

“Good. Normal.” She eyed him curiously. “What about you?”

“Not that great.” He admitted almost immediately, with a small chuckle. “But let’s not get into that reyt now. Because… weh’re together.”

Alex honestly felt better than he’d felt in he wasn’t sure how long, and his lips ached with the very strong desire to kiss her…

“Should we, um…” Emma gestured towards the direction of the house with a nod of her head, and Alex glanced at the festive decorations and the bright lights and the happy people coming and going; the loud music thumping…

“I…” Alex didn’t really want to go now that he was with her. “… don’t know if…”

“I don’t really wanna go anymore.” Emma blurted, looking up at him again. “Do you wanna come back to mine?”

Alex nodded his head and Emma mirrored him with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Alex walked her back to his car, opened the passenger door for her, and reluctantly let her go. He was going to be beside her in a second, but he was feeling hopelessly attached.

It was quicker than walking, but they had to take more streets to get there considering Emma always took shortcuts, cutting across yards. They drove in silence. They both knew what was going to happen once they got there, and the sexual tension in the car was at an all time high. Alex parked his car on the street just outside her flat, and the two of them walked up together.

“Yeh changed some stuff…” Alex commented, taking note of how adult and how put-together everything was. All the art she’d once had leaning against the wall on the floor was now hung, and her books shelves were organized and she had her little kettle on the oven, and all the things he remembered so clearly were all in their little place.

“It’s been two years.” Emma murmured quietly, glancing at him as she headed for the stairs to her lofted bedroom. Alex followed her slowly, his feet shuffling hard and heavy on the steps. He watched her legs in front of him, the way her dress shifted and caught on her tights. His fingers itched, his lips still aching…

When he reached the top, she was stood in the middle of the darkened room, her tiny bedside lamp providing a dim glow behind her. She was waiting for him, and it took Alex a stride and a half to reach her, the two of them melting into one another.

“Alex…” Emma whispered, the ache in her voice sounding equally as desperate as he felt. 

He took her face in his hands, admiring her for what seemed like the longest moment in history, until he finally touched his lips to hers. It was soft and sensual… a gentleness in Alex that she didn’t think he possessed any more judging by the way he looked. It was like this darker, edgier version of him was just a mask, a character he was playing to hide the soft, sweet boy she once knew.

Alex groaned into her mouth, the sweetness of her lips a taste he hadn’t realized he’d missed so much. He’d forgotten; forgotten what she felt like, what she sounded like, the way her lips moved against his. And like a silent agreement had been made, they began stripping one another out of their clothes, pulling back to assist, and giggling a little when something stuck or someone had trouble with a tricky zipper. 

That was Alex. 

His fingers trembled so hard when she’d turned in his arms to reveal the long silver zipper down her back, that he got stuck and nearly gave up. “Why can’t it just ‘appen like in the films?” He muttered a bit defeated, and Emma faced him once more, a teasing little smile on her lips.

“It’s alright, look.” She grabbed the hem and pulled the whole thing over her head, leaving her standing there in her bra and tights.

Alex swallowed hard, feeling strangely like he was reliving their first time together all over again. “Well, that works.” 

She bit her lip as he advanced on her, kicking off his boots and pushing his jeans further down his hips. He wrapped his arm around her back, and helped her lay back as gently as possible, resting his knee on the bed for leverage. Emma’s body hummed, her skin dotted with goosebumps as she watched him crawl over her. It felt like a dream and she felt like crying, but she didn’t, she couldn’t because he was really here. And she’d keep repeating it to herself as long as she had to.

Alex took his time. 

He let his lips and his hands explore, rediscovering her body and all the things he’d fallen in love with and was forced to walk away from. Alex’s fingers tickled the sides of her breasts and down the flanks of her body while his lips whispered kisses down her sternum, grinning at the way she sucked in her stomach. He hooked his fingers inside the waistband of her tights, the pattern still unclear to him, and he sat back, inching them down her legs. She lifted them, helping to kick them off, and when he tossed them aside, he sat there, his gorgeous brown eyes raking over her body.

“You should take those off.” Emma whispered leaning up on her elbows. She was completely naked and he was still in his boxer-briefs; soft grey ones that left very little to the imagination. 

“Alreyt… yeah…” Alex said thickly, his deep voice echoing through the loft.

Emma shook at the sound. Alex stood up, prepared to just yank them off and kick them aside and be over and done with it. But Emma was already inching towards the edge of the bed.

“I wanna do it…” She whispered, like maybe she was afraid to say the actual words aloud. She slid her legs over the side of the bed and Alex stepped in between them, shivering at her fingers as they brushed against his thighs.

Her eyes followed her hand as it crept across the front of him, her fingertips only a little hesitant as they stroked him slowly through his briefs.

Alex groaned low in his throat, almost growling at the feeling. He was throbbing hot and thick and ready for her, and the touch of her hand on him could’ve easily tipped him over the edge. But this _wasn’t_ the first time, and he was much more prepared. He watched her as she stroked him, fascinated by him and what she knew was waiting on just the other side of that heather grey material.

Emma wasn’t going to get into all that just now, but her throat felt tight at the idea of doing it later. Instead, she just leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his stomach just below his navel as her fingers dragged his briefs over the swell of his ass and down his legs. She could feel his cock brush against her when she freed it, and her body was suddenly on fire, remembering how good he’d once felt inside her. 

Alex watched her as she sat on the bed again, inching backwards, radiant in the dim room, like a beacon; a blazing bright signal fire he’d been chasing on somewhat of a misguided course for far too long. His stomach had been knotted up and anxious up until this point, but now, as he crawled back over her again, covering her mouth in another deep kiss, he felt at ease. Like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

Alex pushed himself inside her, the moan in his throat catching as he sank into her. Emma whimpered a bit strangled, and Alex searched her face with concern in his eyes.

“Are y’alreyt, Em?” He whispered, holding himself steady on his forearms. 

Emma placed her hands on his cheeks, and nodded. “I just forgot…” She whispered back shyly.

“Forgot wot?”

A pretty shade of pink crept up her neck to her cheeks. “How good you felt.”

“Oh…” Alex laughed softly, bowing his head a bit embarrassed but he didn’t know why. He shifted a little and Emma moaned again. “Wot?”

“Alex…” Emma sighed. “I’m okay. I just… you can keep going. I promise I don’t break.”

He didn’t have to be told twice, he began moving his hips into her, sliding in and out so easily. She felt like a dream, like a dream he’d had so many nights before. It took him a moment to get into a groove, but when he did, Emma melted into the bed, her leg wrapping around his calf as he thrust into her. 

“Oh babeh…” He whispered against her ear when he felt her arch her back and meet him halfway. 

Emma moaned with each movement, her head fuzzy and clouded, lost in the feel of his hot skin, flush and sweaty and sticky as he moved against her. He felt so good inside her and she squeezed around him, making him groan. He pulled out almost completely, teasing her before he thrust back in and Emma cried out. He kept doing it, loving the way she sounded when she moaned his name, begging for more.

Alex sat up on his knees, lifting her hips and watched himself as he disappeared in and out of her. He brushed his fingers down her stomach to her abdomen, his thumb slipping down and pressing against her clit. She moaned, her palms reaching up and planting firmly against her headboard, feeling her stomach and back sweating as she held her hips up for him. Her flat was hot, especially in the loft, and the two of them were glistening with sweat in the soft amber light.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her, admiring her and all the pretty shapes her body made as she moved against him. The way her soft pink lips parted and the way her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks, the spots of red that covered her neck down her chest as the sweat and heat became too much. He leaned forward, kissing her just under her breasts, and then up the middle to her neck, where he kissed her wetly, his nose brushing along her jaw.

“Mmm… c’mere Em…” He sighed, his voice thick with lust and emotion, his arms winding around her back.

He lifted her up until she was sitting in his lap, his cock still deep inside her. She wrapped her legs around his back when he got settled, her arms around his neck. He kissed her face all over; her eyelids, her cute little nose, her soft cheeks. His fingers sunk deep into her hips, and he lifted them so she was hovering for just a moment, until he pulled her down hard onto his cock. The both of them groaning as he filled her up again.

“Alex…” She breathed, beginning to grind her hips into him, riding him, their bodies pressed so tight together. 

He held her against him, his fingers splayed across her back as they moved together. He helped grind her into him, guiding her, speeding up the pace to get her going an slowing it down when he thought he might cum too soon. Alex had experienced a lot of good nights in the last year or so, most of them on stage performing for thousands of people, but none of them felt quite like this. He was lost in the girl he’d been in love with since he was twenty-one; the very girl that had most likely been the cause of every single breakup he’d ever had. He’d never told Emma this, but… she was the only one. She always had been.

Emma let Alex move her, and she ran her fingers through her hair, breathing heavily as she writhed in his lap. Alex hadn’t taken his big brown eyes off her for a moment, and a smile curled up on her lips as she leaned forward to kiss him. 

“I’m so happy you’re here.” She mumbled, catching his bottom lip between her teeth and pulling away slowly. Alex slowed his pace when her fingers slipped through his hair just above his ears, and he felt like crying. There were so many emotions coursing through his veins, his body humming, his mind completely lucid for once. He knew what he wanted. He’d wanted it for so long, and he hadn’t known how to make it work, but he knew he could now.

“I love you.” Alex told her carefully, making sure she knew from the sound of his voice, that this wasn’t something that had just occurred to him in the heat of the moment. 

Emma’s features softened, and she stopped moving, tilting her head as she gazed at him. “You love me?”

Alex nodded slowly, his brows furrowed as he watched the way her expressions changed, the way the colors in her eyes melted, the pretty amber dissolving into the the mahogany like whiskey. “I’m not just sayin’ it… because…” He gestured down between them. “I think… I think I’ve always known… but… it weren’t ever the right time… but…”

“Alex, I’ve loved you since the moment I met you.” Emma interjected, her voice raw and overcome with emotion. 

Alex’s eyes widened, glassy and tingly when he saw the tears in hers. “Let’s not cry, alreyt?” He laughed, brushing the first tear he saw trickle down her face. “I’m never going anywhere ever again. I’ve belonged to you since that first night.” 

Emma covered her face with her hands, willing herself to stop the tears from falling; but this was all she’d ever wanted. _Years_ of pining for him, and he’d loved her all along.

“D’yeh know… that first Christmas… I didn’t shut up about you the whole ride back to me folks house?” 

Emma was laughing into her hands and Alex tilted his head, pulling them away. Her nose was a little red, and he cupped her face in his hands, loving the way she fit so perfect. “Really?” She whispered, angry at herself for falling apart during such an important moment.

“Yeah… the other guys told meh they couldn’t wait for meh to pass out. Then we went on tour, and I must’ve talked about yeh for a month straight.” Alex grinned fondly at the memory. 

She smiled, blinking the tears from her eyes, and falling against his chest. She pressed her lips to his neck, kissing him softly. 

Alex rubbed his hands up and down her back. “I’ve always loved yeh, Em.”


	9. 2015

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me awhile. I apologize. It also worked out because I wanted to reference the karaoke thing again, and look, he did karaoke. Anyways, there’s only one year left after this!! xx

// December 2015 //

“‘ere…” Nick handed Alex the flask and Alex looked at him with a bewildered expression on his face. “Dun’ look at meh like that… yeh need it… ‘ave some.”

Alex rolled his eyes and knocked a swing back. “Ughhhhh… God…” He bit back the strong liquid that burned his throat all the way down. Shaking his head, he stuck his tongue out and an icy cold chill whipped up between the cars, between their little circle and and around Alex’s neck. “Fuck it.” He murmured and took another hard swig. It may have burned, but it felt good once it was settled in his belly. 

“Weh’re still doin’ this, eh?” Jamie grinned looking between the two of them. 

“Eh… it’s only once a year. Tradition, reyt?” Malley smiled at Alex and he nodded his head with a grin.

“Tradition, yeah.” Alex handed the flask off to Jamie and checked his phone one more time. It was getting late.

“Oh God!” Jamie exclaimed, clutching his throat just beneath his his scarf. “That’s disgusting. Tastes like lighter fluid. Is that what it is?”

Both Alex and Nick laughed at Jamie’s reaction, and Nick defended his choice of liquor, reasoning that it would keep them warm. Which it _was_ , so he hadn’t been wrong, really.

“Fuck it’s cold!” Alex hissed, digging his hands deep into his pockets. The bass from the party was beckoning them inside, into the warmth and out of the crisp, damp, snow.

Nick frowned, “What’s the deal, mate? Is she-” 

“Hey!! You better have saved a sip of that for me!” Emma’s light, happy voice traveled on the wind, carrying it to the little cluster of lads huddled together, shielded from the wind by the car beside them. Alex’s head whipped up at the sound, a smile breaking out on his face. 

_There she is._

Nick and Jamie cheered and clapped at her arrival and Alex grinned like a fool, opening his arms up wide for her. “‘ey you…” He breathed, a cloud of air engulfing them as she melted into him. He wrapped his arms around her tight, hugging him to her so close. 

“Sorry I’m late…” Emma sighed against Alex’s neck, giggling when he tickled her sides. 

“S’alreyt… just froze out ‘ere waitin’ for yeh…” He teased, giving her a pinch and tucking her against his side.

“Froze? What about the lighter fluid?” Nick grinned and Emma held her hands out in indication that she wanted him to toss the flask her way.

It sailed through the air between the four of them and she caught it before knocking it back and finishing it completely. She gagged, “Fuck me. That’ll put hair on your chest.” And then with a grin she added, “Shit… I should’ve saved some more for you Aly.”

“Ha!” He rolled his eyes and nipped at her playfully. 

“Alreyt you two, let’s head inside, shall weh?”

And so the four of them traipsed up the steps to the party that the friend they’d all met years ago and couldn’t quite remember how, had been throwing for nearly a decade now. 

“Hey, where’s Helders?” Emma frowned when they pushed through the bodies and down the hall to the coat room.

“Stayed ‘ome with his family.” Alex informed her, holding his arms out to help her remove her jacket. 

“Aw. I never thought it was quite as fun when all four of you weren’t together.”

Jamie smiled and raised his eyebrows, tossing his jacket onto the pile and unknotting his scarf. It was the same one Emma had seen him tuck around his neck the first night she met him. “I agree.”

“Yeh can be ‘im for the night Em if yeh’d like.” Malley chimed in, “The honorary fourth Monkey.”

She grinned, “Those are some serious shoes to fill… but I can totally do that.”

//

Alex and Emma let themselves drink a little more than they usually did… seeing as to how now they had each other and there really wasn’t anything to be depressed about this holiday. They’d commandeered the karaoke. They were two hams that were finally unleashing their natural ability to entertain and sang through a barrage of songs. Emma wasn’t shy and nervous anymore with Alex by her side, and he’d finally begun to feel comfortable in his own skin. Sometimes getting older and finding the one you were meant to be with had a way of doing that. 

“ _Wanna sing one more with meh, babeh_?” Alex raised his eyebrow at Emma, his voice deep as he sang his question, his lips pressed to the mic. Emma giggled from her perch on the arm of the couch where she’d sat through Alex’s last two songs with Nick and then a few drunk friends of theirs who tried to wrench the mic from him in their intoxicated obnoxiousness. 

“ _That depends_ …” She sang back in the other mic, standing up opposite him. “ _… what song? because I’m tired and I wanna go hoooooome.”_

“It’s an old favorite.” Alex smiled, his face lighting up when he selected the song and the words showed up on the screen. 

“The duet version.” She felt her cheeks flush, remembering the last time this song was sang here; how sweet Alex had looked when he sang it. He nodded his head to the screen, indicating that he wanted her to take the lead first. She smiled and rolled her eyes upwards. The key was going to be high for her, and she really didn’t have the voice that belonged on the same stage as her boyfriend. He was the singer in this couple, not her. 

Clearing her throat as her countdown began, she chirped the first word, coughed with a smile and started again, catching up. “ _Maybe it’s much too early in the game… but I thought I’d ask you just the same…_ ” Emma sang to him, a bit more dramatically than she would’ve if she were sober. But Alex loved it, practically eating it up with a spoon. “ _What are you doing New Year’s… New Year’s Eve?_ ”

She swayed back and forth to the beat as Alex began his part. “ _Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight_ …” He sang flamboyantly and loud, making his way over to her and taking her hand. He spun her into his arms and then out all the way again so she nearly fell into Nick’s lap.

A crowd had gathered. 

When Emma noticed this her face got bright red and she nearly gave up the mic, but Nick pushed her back in towards Alex. She shook her head as he sang to her. “ _When it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night, babeh…. Welcoming in the New Year, New Year’s Eve_!”

He was hamming it up now, improvising and throwing in his little ‘Alex-isms’ just to make her laugh and she loved it. She adored him and her heart was full. Now came the part when they were meant to harmonize and it didn’t sound great, but they went with it anyways. 

“ _Maybe I’m crazy to suppose I’d ever be the one you chose…_ ” Alex was pointing at himself, like ‘me? are you singing to me?’ And Emma grinned, nodding her head and playing along. “ _… I’d ever be the one you chose, out of a thousand invitations, you received…_ ”

And then he had her hand and he was singing right to her, her voice dying out as he took over. “ _…but in case I stand one little chance, here comes the jackpot question in advance… what are you doing New Year’s, New Year’s Eve?_ ”

Emma giggled when Alex kissed her cheek and squeezed her. Their performance warranted a round of applause and a few whistles here and there. Most of the guests in attendance had witnessed the last few years of their roller coaster of a love story and if they hadn’t been there first hand, they’d heard about it through a friend. It was a small town, good news traveled fast, and everyone knew Alex. Emma became a local celebrity by association.

“I’m not nearly drunk enough for this kind of attention.” She whispered in his ear, hiding her face. “How do you stand it every night?”

“Yeh’re just not _seasoned_ like I am.” He teased her with another squeeze, “Wanna get out of ‘ere?”

“Yes!” Emma exclaimed and for some reason, she got the feeling this would be the last time he’d be asking her that question in this house.

//

“Can you _please_ hurry up?” Emma called from the middle of her bed, the covers tucked up under her chin. 

“Wot?” Alex called to her from the bathroom around the corner. It was still very much her place, considering Alex had his home in Los Angeles and she had hers here in Sheffield. “Couldn’t ‘ear yeh…” 

He peeked around the corner at Emma’s head floating on the pillows, seemingly bodiless beneath the blankets. He snorted, his toothbrush wedged between his teeth. 

She grinned at him, her cheeks flushed, her shoulder-length tawny hair in a little knot on the top of her head. “I said can you please hurry up because I’m freezing.”

He laughed again, “Babeh… ‘ow can yeh beh freezin’ when-” 

Alex stopped mid-sentence when Emma lifted the blankets and flashed him her naked body quickly, her mouth an open smile, her hazel eyes twinkling. Alex pulled his toothbrush from his mouth and threw it over his shoulder. It clattered to the floor behind him somewhere, and Emma giggled when he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and crawled on top of her over the covers. “Thought yeh were tired and all that?” Alex asked her between kisses. He covered her cheeks and her forehead, her eyelashes and the tip of her nose. 

“Tired of that party.” She laughed as he felt her up through the blankets, squeezing her and tickling her, supporting his weight by leaning up, his knee on other side of her waist. “Can we never go back again?”

“Never?” He murmured, inching down the blankets slowly as he kissed across the tips of her shoulders and her collar bone.

“Ever.”

“Never ever?”

“I don’t wanna go back!” She cried with a laugh as he shimmied the comforter down further, exposing her breasts. She tried to cover herself from the icy cool air of the room, but he nudged her hands away with his nose, and swatted at her.

Alex chuckled against the warmth of her soft skin, “No reason to realeh…” 

“There isn’t. I only went for you. And now I’ve got you.” She sighed happily, sliding her fingers into his hair while his minty cool lips took her nipple into his mouth. He sucked on her slowly, his fingertips and thumbs stroking her sides. Goosebumps dotted her skin and she shivered.

“Pretteh sure…” Alex mumbled through each sinful, wanton pass of his tongue. “It’s I who’s got you.”

Emma moaned softly, laughing at the tingly way her body melted with that incredible mouth of his. “Either way. Not goin’ back.” She combed her fingers over and over through his longer hair. He’d cut it over the summer, but it was back to this length again, and when he didn’t put anything in it, it reminded her of her Alex beneath the mistletoe in two thousand nine. So soft, and gentle, and sweet.

“Good.” He moaned as he trailed sloppy, wet open-mouthed kisses down her torso. “Can I ask yeh summat?”

She tugged on his hair when his nose brushed against her, tickling her. “Yes…”

“What are yeh doing New Year’s Eve?” He muttered against the bone of her hip, his teeth gently nipping at her.

“Is that a joke?” She laughed weakly, now that Alex had almost completely revealed her entire body.

“I’m serious.” He looked up at her, kissing her once more before climbing over her and pulling the blankets up around them. He settled between her legs, resting on his elbows beside her head. “Wanna come back with meh and spend the New Year in Los Angeles?”

Emma raised her eyebrows at the suggestion. She’d only been to Alex’s once during the summer for a few weeks. She’d loved it. So much so, she dreaded having to come back. She thought about the warm sun on her face, and swimming in his pool, and watching the sunsets with him, the way Alex looked so happy on the beach, tan and gorgeous with this sun-kissed skin… and then she thought about how cold and dark and dreary it was here this time of year and her mind was made up.

“Yes.”

“Yeah?” Alex grinned, brushing his nose against hers. “Yeh can stay for as long as yeh want yeh know. Don’t ‘ave to come runnin’ back.” He kissed her soft pink lips slow and lazy, leaning on one arm to push her leg open wider for him. He brushed his fingers against her, getting them slick and wet. Emma moaned, sliding his pants over his hips and ass, snaking her hand inside to wrap around him and stroke him slowly before guiding him inside her.

She sighed when he filled her up, her hands on his ass, holding him against her. He lay there on top of her for a moment, gazing heavily into those pretty eyes of hers. He realized then he didn’t want to have to say goodbye to her anymore every time he left.

“I’d like it if yeh stayed with meh…” Alex whispered, his lips brushing against hers. “More…permanently.”


	10. 2016 + Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, loves. I wrote something new. As in, this isn’t something I’ve had squirreled away in my files to post when I was having some sort of writer’s block. No, I wrote this all within the past couple of weeks; everything but the very beginning. I’m not going to lie to you, it’s not my best work ever, but it’s been hard to find the time and the feelings to write about Alex lately. But it’s Christmas time, and I never finished this story two years ago, so I thought it was time. And, the minute I started listening to Kacey Musgraves’ Christmas album again this year, I was reminded of the reason why I wrote this story in the first place so long ago: her version of What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? It sparked a little something in me, and I finished the whole damn thing, complete with a bonus epilogue. 
> 
> I don’t think this fit was ever a favorite of anybody’s on this blog; but reading it back the other day, that makes me sad! I wrote about Alex in every single year since 2007. I’m quite proud of that; capturing the different versions of him over the last decade was pretty fun. I admit it was painful to read back, especially with the way things are with him right now. So if you do read it back before tackling this chapter; be prepared to sob a little lol. 
> 
> Anyways, this is soft and fluffy and sweet, and I hope you enjoy it. I apologize it took so long to know what finally happens with Emma and Alex. Cheers xx

// December 2016 //

“Festive.” Alex commented, a smirk on his lips as he rounded the pool deck, the long handle of the skimmer in his hands.

Emma laughed, glancing down at her bikini, a red top and green bottoms. “Listen, I’ve never celebrated Christmas in California on a ninety-five degree day!” 

“I know it… startling contrast from old Sheff.”

They’d made good on their vows to never go back to that holiday party again, and decided that this year, they were going to throw their own. At Alex’s… and Emma’s. It still took some time getting used to saying it, but… she’d moved in. It was official. After visiting him last December to celebrate the New Year; they both realized they wanted her to stay. It wasn’t easy. She’d had to leave her job and the only place she’d known for over a decade… but by the end of March; Los Angeles was her new home.

When they’d discovered it was going to be so hot the weekend of the party; they’d cancelled the ugly sweater requirement and turned it into a “Feels like July at Christmas” pool party. Hence the suit.

“All the lads are comin’, yeah?” Alex called to her from across the pool, his adorable little legs all tan and sun-kissed from lying out all the time. 

Emma stood on tiptoes, struggling with the holiday lights she was stringing around the bar. Red and green plastic Solo cups were all stacked up on the counter, and all the makings of Christmas-themed drinks. They were excited to be hosting. Alex loved it so much; he spent forever searching for holiday pool floats; most of them snow tubes he’d had delivered to the house the past two weeks. 

“Yes! Everyone’s coming!” Emma called to him over her shoulder, balancing precariously on the bar stool. 

She nearly screamed when she felt his hand on her back, the both of them laughing. “Thought yeh could use some ‘elp.” 

“If you were a few inches taller I could…” she teased, and he shouted at her, eyes twinkling before he playfully bit at her waist. “Just kidding.” 

//

“Gotta ‘urry up and do this quick…” Matt shifted his weight back and forth, holding the flask between the five of them. 

“Why’s that?” Nick looked at him, taking the flask, and bringing it to his mouth to knock it back.

Matt gave him a funny look, shoving the toy whistle he’d received in his cracker back between his lips. “Because this is _our_ thing. No one else.”

“Not even your wives…” Emma tsk-tsked him with a small smirk, as the flask was passed from Nick to Jamie to her. “Our little tradition.”

“Damn reyt. Yous were there from the beginnin’ Em.”

Jamie chuckled and wiped his mouth, “She was even once the honorary monkey the year yeh couldn’t make it.”

Matt winked at her, “And I bet she did me proud.” 

Emma laughed, holding her chest, the holiday spirits burning on their way down as always. Alex choked on his sip beside her when Matt made an inappropriate comment. “God, I missed you guys.”

“Me too.” Alex murmured, handing the flask back to Helders and busying himself with his own paper crown. He slowly unfolded the thin purple piece of paper, remembering the very first party. 

“Remember how pissed yeh were, Al? That first year? Didn’t shut the fuck up about Emma that whole tour.”

Alex’s face flushed, and he looked down, nodding. “I do, yeah. Of course I do.”

“Now look at yous two!” Nick teased them, reaching over to pinch Alex’s cheek.

“Alreyt, alreyt!!” Alex yelled, his arm sliding around Emma’s waist. “Let’s ‘ave some fun then, yeah?”

//

“Have you been waiting here long?” She asked him, her voice soft, shy. Alex glanced up, grinning at Emma’s perfect smile and those eyes of hers he’d fallen in love with ten years ago.

“Erm… not too long… a minute or so.” He glanced up towards the front, seeing another person leave the room and three girls go in together. “It’s movin’ fast…” Alex assured her, feeling like he was experiencing a very strong sense of deja vu. 

She nodded, seemingly relieved. “Good.”

Alex chuckled, suddenly remembering the woman standing across from him back when she was a girl he had a crush on in a cute little dress and blinking reindeer antlers. Now it was a striped red and white towel wrapped around her waist, a mis-matched holiday bikini, and a sprig of mistletoe on a bouncy spring on her head. 

Still the cutest thing he’d ever seen. 

“Too many ales, then?” He teased, his voice deep and slightly intoxicated as he looked her up and down.

She snorted, “Partying with you guys? Of _course_ too many ales. You know that.” 

Alex grinned, leaning in to her conspiratorially, “Could always skip the line and go upstairs to ours.”

“We could, couldn’t we?” She pressed her forehead to his and pecked at his lips. 

“Mmm…” he moaned, tasting the mintiness of her ice cold drink on her lips. “Puttin’ that fing to good use for once, are yeh?”

Emma scrunched her nose up, the facial hair Alex was attempting to grow tickling her lips. “Yeah… _finally_.” She teased him, “You’re the only guy I’m kissing tonight, though… don’t worry.” She assured him as the mistletoe sprung back and forth on her head. 

“Wasn’t worried.” He told her softly, pecking at her lips a few more times, “Only took us ten years now, dinnit?”

“Mmm… one whole decade of pining for you.” Emma hummed against his mouth, “Come on…” She held her hand out, gesturing towards the staircase. Alex’s hand slipped into hers, squeezing tight.

//

_“Will I be with you… will I be among… the miss-ing…”_

Emma smiled, tightening her hold on his hand, fingers laced together, cheek pressed to his chest. With Alex’s arm wound around her, they swayed back and forth to the very familiar opening notes of a song they both loved quite fondly. The party was nearly completely fizzled out in the early morning hours of Christmas Eve; but still they danced on over the debris on the floor of their living room. Alex had silver tinsel wrapped around his neck, and each time they turned it tickled Emma’s nose. 

“Wot were your favorite memory? From the parties?” He asked, his lips brushing the top of her tawny-colored hair, kinked out and a little bit crunchy from the pool water.

“I was quite fond of you in that maroon sweater, serenading me…” She murmured with a little smile, quickly swallowing back the lump in her throat that always followed shortly after she was reminded the events that followed directly after the karaoke serenade that particular year.

“Yeh mean the year yeh broke me ‘eart?” Alex asked coolly, and when her head whipped up, mouth open ready to protest, he grabbed her chin and kissed her quiet. “Joost kidding, love. The one time yeh broke me ‘eart versus the countless years I broke yehrs…”

“I’m not taking this trip down memory lane if you’re just gonna keep a tally of who was more destructive each year…” Emma warned, the colors from the Christmas lights reflecting in her bright hazel eyes. 

“Promise, I’m not.” He assured her. His eyes swept over her, the same girl he’d fallen in love so long ago now a permanent part of his life. If someone had told him back when he was twenty-one… “Thought ya were gonna say that one year in the coat room.”

“Oh.” She breathed, eyes widening. “Ohhh…” Her pretty pink lips curved into a smirk, “Well… that year was… God, I couldn’t believe how fucking hot you were when I saw you that year.”

Alex chuckled, remembering the exact look on her face when she entered the room, fur coat half-unbuttoned. “That skin tight dress yeh wore…”

She nodded slowly, in a trance remembering Every. Single. Detail. Especially the after-party in her flat directly after that.

“Fink it were a good year for both of us, huh?”

“Yeah except for when you came the instant you were inside me.” 

“HEY!” Alex shouted, drawing the attention of a few people still hanging out on the patio. He laughed, his cheeks blazing a bright ruddy red as the embarrassment crept up his neck. Emma couldn’t stop giggling. “In my defense… I’d waited an awfully long time for that to happen.”

“That’s very true. C’mere… ” She wound her hand around the tinsel, pulling him down for a kiss. “And if I recall properly… you _more_ than made up for it—”

He’d crushed his lips against hers before she could even finish her thought. “Now _that’s_ one of me favorite memories…” They smiled and laughed as they kissed, their feet sending a red solo cup careening across the hardwood floor. “Not my _absolute_ favorite but… it’s up there.”

The tension that had built up between them over the years hadn’t disappeared; and the honeymoon phase was seemingly infinite. Emma always wanted to adorn his perfectly sweet face with endless amounts of kisses. “My favorite memory has always been the look on your face the moment we spotted each other at the party each year.”

“Mine too.” He confessed, his warm brown eyes dancing in the light from the fireplace. “Didn’t fink weh’d ever make it ‘ere.”

“Me neither. But here we are.” 

Alex took her hand and spun her away from him, the two of them laughing as he pulled her in real close again, “How are weh gonna manage to top this next year?”

// Epilogue: December 31st, 2017 //

“Ready, love?” 

Emma looked at Alex as he came down the stairs. She was ready before he was, coat on and everything. Alex smiled when he looked up, finally spotting her. She stood at the landing, clutching her little bag; a bit of her pale gold dress peeking out beneath the fur coat he loved so much. “Well, don’t yeh look lovely.” He murmured, her eyes lighting up at the compliment.

She was glowing.

“Thank you,” She hummed, touching her hair with the tips of her fingers, making sure the delicate pins she’d used to hold it back were still in place. She _felt_ lovely and surprisingly, not nervous at all. “That jacket….” She smiled fondly at the navy peacoat, reaching forward to pull the collar up around Alex’s neck. “It’s cold out… gotta stay warm, baby.”

Alex smiled at her, his brown eyes light and soft in the glow from their little Christmas tree in the corner. 

“Got me scarf.” He whispered as she tucked it in under the lapels, her fingers grazing the cozy maroon sweater.

She gasped softly, wondering why he’d chosen that particular one for the evening.

“Wanted us both to ‘ave a new memory of it.” He explained, as if he could read her mind. And by now, he practically could. Three years they’d been together, splitting their time between California and England, falling deeper and more madly in love with one another. Close enough to finish sentences, and sometimes even thoughts.

“Good thinking.” Emma swallowed, trying hard not to cry.

Alex’s thumb brushed her cheek, “No crying tonight, love. No need for it.”

“Even if it’s happy tears?”

“Hmm… maybeh…” He winked at her. “‘ave weh got everythin’?”

She looked around and nodded, “Yeah, I think so…”

Alex took her hand in his, “Alreyt then, let’s get goin’… don’t wanna be late…”

//

Emma pulled the collar of her coat up tighter around her neck as the cold winter wind blew at them. They’d decided to walk; it wasn’t very far, but she was thankful that her legs were at least protected by her black tights. The heels of their shoes clicked along the icy pavement, neither one of them talking, but feeling the nerves and excitement settle in their stomachs.

“Yeh nervous?” Alex murmured to her, feeling her heart beating fast against his arm as she clung to him.

Her laugh sounded like tinkling silver bells carried on the wind. “I wasn’t before, but now…”

“Same.” He chuckled, seeing their destination in the distance. “Nearly there, Em.”

Matt was waiting for them outside, looking ever-so-handsome in his winter coat; his dress shirt and tie peeking out at the neck. “Well look at yous two. Most attractive couple I’ve ever seen. Next teh me wife and I.”

Alex laughed softly, and Emma inhaled deeply, sighing out her shaky breath. “Hi, Matt.”

“Hi, love.” He leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and then over to Alex for a hug.

“Ready to ‘ead in?”

//

“Some fings… have teh be lost before they can be found again. And I’m. _So_ incredibly thankful that weh found each other year after year. Every December. Emma,” Alex drawled softly, just loud enough for their small little party to hear. “Yeh’re the one I want teh love completely and forever.”

Emma made a little sound in the back of her throat, and the four people in the room laughed softly, Alex once again reaching up to wipe the tears from her eyes. “Happy tears.” She mouthed to him, and he squeezed her hand tight, his own eyes brimming with emotion.

The officiant smiled at the young couple, and nodded her head. 

“Emma, do you take Alex as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this from this day forward?”

She nodded her head, smiling as she felt Alex’s thumb brushing back and forth over her wedding band. “I definitely do.”

Alex chuckled, no good at staying serious when it was his turn. 

“And do you Alex, take Emma to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward?”

“Oh babeh, I do.” 

Emma giggled, her cheeks turning bright pink, bouncing in her heels now with excitement. 

“Emma and Alex, you have expressed your love to one another through the commitment and promises you have just made. It is with these in mind that I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

“C’mere you…” Alex murmured, his smile far too big to conceal as he pulled Emma close, his hands instantly cupping her face. She sighed as his lips pressed against hers, soft and gentle before he dipped her back just a little. “I love yeh.” 

The officiant and Matt clapped as they wait for the two of them to come up for air. “My god, you lot were me absolute favorite pair of the night.”

The two of them smiled so wide; eyes sparkling, and hearts full. “Thank you so much,” Emma beamed, Alex’s eyes never leaving her. “This was a last minute decision.”

“Yeah but it were a fookin’ decade in the makin’…” Alex muttered and Emma elbow him in the ribs. 

“Good luck, yous. Go celebrate!”

//

“Oh my god!” Emma cried when they exited the building; Jamie and Nick waiting for them on the steps of city hall.

Nick brandished the flask from inside his jacket like always, “This is the original one. From the very first night you two met. It’s me gift to yeh both.”

Emma threw her arms around Nick first, and then Jamie, thanking them for being there; through all of it. She hugged Matt last, and thanked him for being witness to their marriage.

“It were me pleasure, Em. Now…” He took the flask from Nick, and held it up. “I want teh congratulate Alex and Emma, for finally realizing, after some very, _very_ painful Christmas parties and wild karaoke shenanigans, that you two were meant for each other. I’m incredibly happy for you both. I love yous. Cheers.”

The flask made its way around again, each of them saying their own little bit.

“I said it before but… I loved you the moment I saw you, Alex. And I’m happy that in marrying you… I’ve automatically adopted three of the best friends a gal could ask for.”

Alex rubbed his chin, his coppery beard collecting little flakes of snow that had begun to fall again. “I erm… well, ‘ere’s teh never wonderin’ who weh’re gonna be spendin’ New Years Eve wiv. Cheers.” He took a long swig, his arm around Emma’s shoulders. Smacking his lips when he was through, he looked her face over, the snowflakes in her hair and eyelashes; an absolute angel. “I love you, Emma.”

//

The five of them headed down the street to the party that was waiting in the nearest pub, where they drank far too much champagne and covered all the tables with empty pint glasses with the rest of their friends and family. They ate too much cake, and sang along loudly and poorly as everyone took their turn at karaoke. Another tradition. 

And when it was exactly twelve o’clock midnight, Emma and Alex welcomed in the New Year with their arms around each other good and tight. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! You can also [find me on Tumblr](https://hearteyesturner.tumblr.com/).


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